An Abridged History Of Video Game Dicks

Your Penis Is Fine

Since the only thing that men ever think about is how big their dicks are, we finally have some good news for you, men. Finally!! A new comprehensive study among 15,000 men discovered that the average length of an erect penis was a mostly meager 5.16 inches. Bust out some lube and measuring tape, why don't you? Tell… » 3/03/15 3:38pm 3/03/15 3:38pm

What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?

Consider this the crotch-clenching companion piece to our annual look at American insertion: a collection of the worst penis-related mishaps to befall our great nation last year. » 12/31/14 11:09am 12/31/14 11:09am

The Long and Short of It: 2014's Best, Biggest, and Brightest Dicks

The year of 2014 began with a bang: a man on Reddit who had posted photos of his two penises sat in on the site for an AMA session on January 1st. Answering the question, "Do you have a favorite?" the man with two dicks replied, "Yes. The right one. The left one has a grudge against me for it too. lol" With that… » 12/30/14 3:12pm 12/30/14 3:12pm

Female Runner Who Uses Nike+ to Draw Dicks Is an American Hero

Most runners I know who are not also liars acknowledge that running sucks much (okay, most) of the time. Usually, I deal with how much I hate it by complaining about it to people who really, truly do not care. But one San Francisco woman has channeled that love-hate relationship into something beautiful: using the… » 8/05/14 4:49pm 8/05/14 4:49pm

Keeping It Up: The Science of Erections

For many men, getting an erection is as simple as breathing. But it's an incredibly complex process involving a precise sequence of psychological and physiological events that can easily go wrong. Here's how erections work — and how science is helping millions of men keep it up. » 1/20/14 3:03pm 1/20/14 3:03pm

A Handy State-By-State Ranking of Dick Size

A condom company has lovingly compiled a state-by-state ranking of dick size based on sales of large-sized condoms. Congratulations, North Dakota (Dickota?). Condolences, Mississippi. » 12/03/13 2:56pm 12/03/13 2:56pm

Made-Up Dick Diseases Keeping Us From Figuring Out Male Birth Control

Like a lot of unchaste women, I take birth control every day. I do this because, as an underemployed person, I am not interested in housing a baby Meags in my Meags-parts. It sure would make my life easier if my man-friend-for-life had to shoulder some of the burden in this scenario. But, as is painfully obvious to… » 8/07/13 5:39pm 8/07/13 5:39pm

A Few Suggestions for the Next Phase of Ballsack Evolution

Yo, nature! You're crazy, bro. You have to know you're crazy. I mean, you do a great job with a lot of shit—my teeth totally grind up food like a boss; my precision grip is hella virtuosic on the DVR remote; my feet and pelvic angle crush verticality. But seriously, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL WITH BALLS? » 7/10/13 5:33pm 7/10/13 5:33pm

On Browns Call-In Show, Caller Asks Who Has The Biggest Penis; Hosts…

Browns Red Zone airs Mondays on SportsTime Ohio. The hosts—Jim Donovan, Tony Grossi, and Doug Dieken, break down the previous day's game, and take calls from viewers who want to discuss the Browns. It's basically televised sports radio, and like radio, sometimes prank callers make it through the screening. » 12/04/12 9:25am 12/04/12 9:25am

Lance Briggs Warns Of Potential "Dangerous Boners" Epidemic In NFL

Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall said yesterday that some NFL players use Viagra to "get an edge" on the field. Sure. OK. Whatever. » 11/29/12 1:20pm 11/29/12 1:20pm

Thank You For Donating $141 Toward Ryan Lochte's Alleged Cock Shot. We…

Yesterday, we asked you an important question: How badly did you want to see Ryan Lochte's alleged cock? A photo had been offered to us. We had looked it over, and before launching negotiations with our source, we decided to gauge your interest in the photo first, via an Indiegogo pledge drive. Eleven of you… » 8/29/12 7:00pm 8/29/12 7:00pm

How Much Would You Pay To See A Photo Of Ryan Lochte's Alleged Penis?…

Deadspin is presently in negotiations with a person who is in possession of a photograph of a penis. The penis supposedly belongs to Olympic gold/silver/bronze swimming medalist Ryan Lochte. The photograph is a neck-down bathroom-mirror self-portrait, in which the tip of the penis almost but not quite reaches into the… » 8/28/12 2:46pm 8/28/12 2:46pm

No, Boner Rower Does Not Have A Boner: A Gay Man's Remedial Guide To…

Fact: the average straight person has sex about once every four years. (Except for 43-year-old divorced dads in New York City, who are having sex with every 26-year-old lady, all the time.) Fact: the average straight man has seen about 3.2 penises in his life. » 8/07/12 12:04pm 8/07/12 12:04pm

This Steelers Fan Has A Memorial Sticker On His Car's Rear Window…

I don't know if memorial car stickers are a thing elsewhere in the country, but they're popular in Florida. People here regularly attach vinyl stickers to their rear windows in tribute to a beloved who has passed away. » 8/02/12 10:30am 8/02/12 10:30am

Eli Manning Has A Banana For A Penis

Eli Manning's appearance hosting Saturday Night Live last night was passable, lacking any real groaner moments but nothing especially memorable, either. Well, except for Manningbananapenis. » 5/06/12 10:00am 5/06/12 10:00am

Suns Fans Celebrate The Career Of Steve Nash With A Giant Drawing Of A…

Steve Nash becomes an unrestricted free agent this offseason, and since the Suns didn't qualify for the playoffs, his offseason essentially started last night. Suns fans came out to lament his departure (or beg him to stay) including at least one who decided the occasion called for a display of a giant cock-and-balls… » 4/26/12 9:00am 4/26/12 9:00am

Jason Whitlock: Expert On Asian Penises

Truly Jeremy Lin's extraordinary explosion to prominence in the NBA is bringing out the best in sportspeople. Writers have been fired for far less, indeed, and as of 11:10 p.m. EST this off-color tweet from Jason Whitlock is still out there. It probably will be in the morning, too, since Whitlock isn't one to back… » 2/10/12 11:17pm 2/10/12 11:17pm

This Memorial Day Weekend, Don't Forget To Prepare For The Penis…

As far as we know, this isn't real. Carlmont High (Calif.) students don't have to "ensure that their penises are clean and orderly," nor do they have to procure a friend's pubes if they have trimmed their own. It's a senior prank, and a well-executed one at that. » 5/27/11 5:30pm 5/27/11 5:30pm