Sepp Blatter Out Here Like "Hold Up. Who Said Anything About Resigning?"

Is Sepp Blatter just insane or what? That’s about the only question that comes to mind when you hear that, yes, as reports hinted at a couple weeks ago, ol’ Sepp doesn’t actually plan on relinquishing his grasp of the FIFA presidency any time soon—this time coming from the man himself. » 6/26/15 11:22am Friday 11:22am

Director Of Terrible FIFA Movie Rues His New Rep As A Propaganda Man

Frédéric Auburtin had the misfortune of directing the colossal flop that was United Passions, the movie about and paid for by FIFA. And while directing an awful movie itself can usually be brushed off pretty easily, the recent scandal has inflicted lasting scars on Auburtin’s reputation, as he explains in a new… » 6/17/15 12:23pm 6/17/15 12:23pm

John Oliver Chugs Bud Light Lime To Celebrate Blatter's Resignation

When Last Week Tonight host John Oliver pledged last week to consume a variety of McDonald’s, Budweiser, and Adidas products if those brands made Sepp Blatter go away, nobody imagined he’d have to make good so quickly. But make good he did, last night—though not before describing Bud Light Lime as tasting like “the… » 6/08/15 9:57am 6/08/15 9:57am

Report: Sepp Blatter Linked To Allegedly Corrupt $10 Million Payment

A 2007 email between supposed-to-be-resigning FIFA president Sepp Blatter and then-South African president Thabo Mbeki discussed $10 million that went to allegedly corrupt soccer executives as a payment for the country’s successful 2010 World Cup bid, reports South Africa’s Sunday Times ($). » 6/07/15 3:05pm 6/07/15 3:05pm

How Much Is FIFA Like The Godfather? ESPN And ABC Count The Ways

Josh Margolin with ABC News is reporting today that Sepp Blatter is a target of the federal investigation unveiled last week, which included the indictment of 14 international soccer leaders and businessmen. Those charges included some old-school classics familiar to anyone to who loves a good organized-crime yarn:… » 6/02/15 5:38pm 6/02/15 5:38pm

All Hail Sepp Blatter, FIFA Emperor-For-Life

As expected, courageous leader, tenacious progressive, and upstanding citizen Sepp Blatter has won re-election as president of FIFA. His impeccable credentials gave him the overwhelming victory over Guy Who Is Not Sepp Blatter, with the first vote ending up 133-73 before Blatter’s opponent generously conceded to the… » 5/29/15 1:23pm 5/29/15 1:23pm

Bob Ley Sick Of The Farce That Is FIFA, Rips Up Agenda

FIFA held its presidential election in Zurich today—two days after the United States Justice Department arrested a number of its officials on various charges—but it had a few additional issues to discuss beforehand. ESPN’s Bob Ley, who sounded like he had been awake since the start (which would be about 4:30 a.m.),… » 5/29/15 12:57pm 5/29/15 12:57pm

Will There Be Enough Votes To Oust Sepp Blatter?

In about five hours, while you are sleeping soundly, FIFA will begin voting in Zurich for its next president. The secret ballot will be held by the 209 member associations of FIFA, who each hold one vote, meaning that Maldives has the same voting power as Germany. In the first round of voting a candidate must win… » 5/28/15 10:34pm 5/28/15 10:34pm

Anti-Corruption NGO Calls For Sepp Blatter To Resign

Sepp Blatter was not among those FIFA officials arrested in Zurich this morning; we do not know if he is among those under investigation for World Cup bribery allegations. But in a statement, a group that monitors corporate, political, and organizational corruption around the globe called for Blatter to step down. » 5/27/15 9:24am 5/27/15 9:24am

Reports: Justice Department Brings The Goddamn Hammer Down On FIFA

According to reports in both the Wall Street Journal ($) and New York Times, a number of FIFA officials were just arrested in Zurich, Switzerland, and according to the Times are expected to be extradited to the United States where they will face charges of “wire fraud, racketeering and money laundering.” The Times » 5/27/15 12:50am 5/27/15 12:50am

Report: Sepp Blatter Too Afraid Of The FBI To Enter The United States

Slavery-enabler Sepp Blatter might actually be facing consequences for how FIFA awarded the 2018 and 2022 World Cup bids to Russia and Qatar. ESPN’s investigative newsmagazine show, E:60, debuted an hour-long documentary on Blatter tonight, and reports that he is so fearful of an FBI investigation into bribery and… » 5/12/15 9:52pm 5/12/15 9:52pm

Abby Wambach: FIFA Refused Cost-Free Offers To Replace Turf Fields

Odious moron Sepp Blatter has described himself as “a godfather of the organization of women’s football in FIFA.” Apparently, he didn’t consider an offer to quell the controversy about artificial fields at this summer’s Women’s World Cup by replacing the turf with grass—free of charge, mind you—an offer he couldn’t… » 5/07/15 5:32pm 5/07/15 5:32pm