German Football League Threatens FIFA Over Unreleased World Cup Report

FIFA finally released a summary of their report into the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody it basically cleared Qatar, Russia, and current FIFA officials of any wrongdoing. The 42-page report was written by FIFA ethics committee judge Hans-Joachim Eckert, and… » 11/15/14 5:55pm 11/15/14 5:55pm

Even Carlo Ancelotti Wishes Sepp Blatter Would Shut The Fuck Up

FIFA has released its Ballon d'Or shortlist, which means Sepp Blatter can take time away from his day job of punching up FIFA propaganda and gets to enjoy some of that media facetime he loves so much. Like you, Real Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti would prefer Sepp spared us his hot takes. » 10/29/14 3:12pm 10/29/14 3:12pm

One FIFA Executive Thinks Qatar Will Lose The 2022 World Cup

Everything about the 2022 World Cup in Qatar—from the scores of migrant workers who have died building stadiums and infrastructure, to the accusations of corruption, to the scorching heat that will make games unplayable—is shaping up to be a disaster. It is so bad that even one of the Bond-villain type assholes on… » 9/22/14 9:54am 9/22/14 9:54am

Sepp Blatter Says We're All Racist For Pointing Out FIFA's Corruption

While addressing FIFA's African and Asian confederations on Monday, FIFA president Sepp Blatter seized the opportunity to mount a defense against the most recent and damning allegations that Qatar bribed its way to the 2022 World Cup. He did this by accusing all of his critics of being racist. » 6/10/14 10:25am 6/10/14 10:25am

What if FIFA Seeded The World Cup The Way Americans Would?

FIFA is so hopelessly corrupt that today's lottery to determine World Cup round robin groups is a necessary evil. If a committee determined the groupings behind closed doors, it would surely result in political enemies being forced to face Brazil in the first round and the country giving Sepp Blatter the biggest… » 12/06/13 9:27am 12/06/13 9:27am

Blatter Admits Qatar World Cup May Be A Mistake, Throws Shit At Wall

Even if you ignore the rampant bribery allegations, the 2022 World Cup in Qatar is already a massive clusterfuck. This is in part because the World Cup is set to take place in June or July, and summers in Qatar are really, really fucking hot. Like, way-too-fucking-hot-to-play-soccer hot. Now, FIFA president Sepp… » 9/09/13 3:20pm 9/09/13 3:20pm

FIFA Can't Even Properly Ban Corrupt Executives

Let's make this clear: No one believes Mohammed bin Hammam, the FIFA executive committee member instrumental in bringing the 2022 World Cup to his native Qatar, didn't bribe people. It's still pretty much accepted that bin Hammam was the brains behind the envelopes full of cash handed out to representative of… » 7/19/12 6:40pm 7/19/12 6:40pm

FBI Investigates Russian Plot To Hack World Cup Bids, And Other…

When the wining World Cup bids were announced last year, it was hard not to wrinkle a Corrugator supercilii muscle. Russia had beat out luckless England for the 2018 World Cup. Even weirder was that Qatar had triumphed over the mighty USA for 2022. Now a squad of FBI agents attached to the "Eurasian organized crime"… » 12/07/11 12:55pm 12/07/11 12:55pm

Sepp Blatter "Deeply Regrets" Suggesting That Racism In Soccer Can Be…

Last week, for the 739th time, there were calls for Sepp Blatter's resignation following a fresh round of insensitive remarks from the FIFA president. In two separate television interviews, Blatter denied that there was any racism in soccer and then suggested that players settle their differences with a handshake. » 11/18/11 5:45pm 11/18/11 5:45pm

Two Members Of An Extremist Right-Wing English Group Occupied The Roof…

Security must not be very tight at FIFA headquarters in Zurich because two members of the notorious right-wing English Defence League took to the roof of Sepp Blatter's palace to protest FIFA's recent and—it must be acknowledged—very stupid decision to prevent English players from wearing embroidered poppies on their… » 11/09/11 12:25pm 11/09/11 12:25pm