Sepp Blatter Calls Out Tough-Talking Brands For Being Phony

Freed from PR considerations following yesterday’s eight-year ban from soccer, a Nelly bandaid-rocking Sepp Blatter—who presumably sports it for the same reasons the rapper did, as an homage to his recently locked-up homies—has loosened his tongue a little bit. One of his targets is the brands and their bullshit.

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Tim Roth: I Starred In FIFA's Awful Propaganda Movie For The Money

Tim Roth is a real and talented actor who has been nominated for an Academy Award, among other recognitions of his good work, which made it very strange to see him starring as Sepp Blatter in the FIFA-financed propaganda film about the organization’s history, United Passions. FIFA spent about $27 million on the movie,…

Report: Swiss Authorities Raid Same Hotel As Last Time, Arrest More FIFA Officials (UPDATED)

Remember six months ago, when Swiss authorities raided a luxury hotel in Zurich to arrest a number of FIFA officials, on behalf of the U.S. Justice Department? Luckily for those of us who want to see the incompetent and corrupt world soccer organization brought to its knees, it’s happening again!

Sepp Blatter Says U.S. Was Supposed To Hold 2022 World Cup

Just when you think Sepp Blatter has revealed the full extent of his kooky theories and self-centered worldview, he opens his mouth again and wows you with even more crazy talk. In his newest interview, Blatter elucidates his belief that the entire FIFA scandal was a covert ploy by Michel Platini and, independently,…

Sepp Blatter's 90-Day Suspension Is In The Hands Of The Man Who Whitewashed FIFA Corruption

According to various reports, FIFA’s ethics committee has recommended a 90-day suspension of president Sepp Blatter while they wait to see if any of the numerous investigations of him stick. Mind you, this is only a provisional suspension which must be ratified by a man with a track record of trying to sweep FIFA…

Head Of FIFA Reform Committee Thinks We've Been Too Mean To Sepp Blatter

If you doubted the true independence of FIFA’s self-selected reform committee—a group mainly composed of existing FIFA members, led by an outside investigator selected and paid for by FIFA, and tasked with rooting out the causes of rampant corruption those highest up FIFA’s power pyramid had absolutely positively no…

Vladimir Putin Says His Homeboy Sepp Blatter Deserves A Nobel Prize

Since FIFA president Sepp Blatter won his first election in 1998, he has (allegedly! [lol]) both bribed and received bribes in order to stay in power and award desperate countries international tournaments. Along the way, he has actually and truly ravaged local economies by siphoning public money for useless…

With No Fear Of Arrest, Sepp Blatter Finally Leaves Home For... Russia

Sepp Blatter is not afraid. Sure, he hasn’t left his native Switzerland since that little international scandal that locked up a number of top FIFA officials—he recently skipped out on the Women’s World Cup in Canada and the U-20 World Cup in New Zealand—but that’s not because he’s had anything to fear. As proof, he’s…

FIFA Presidential Election Will Be Held In February

Today’s announcement that FIFA will finally hold a presidential election to replace the resigning Sepp Blatter will be held on Feb. 26, 2016, is typical FIFA frustration in that it’ll mean Blatter was able to hang on for nine whole months after calling it quits in disgrace. But let’s have some optimism: it also means…