Sepp Blatter Says We're All Racist For Pointing Out FIFA's Corruption

While addressing FIFA's African and Asian confederations on Monday, FIFA president Sepp Blatter seized the opportunity to mount a defense against the most recent and damning allegations that Qatar bribed its way to the 2022 World Cup. He did this by accusing all of his critics of being racist. » 6/10/14 10:25am 6/10/14 10:25am

What if FIFA Seeded The World Cup The Way Americans Would?

FIFA is so hopelessly corrupt that today's lottery to determine World Cup round robin groups is a necessary evil. If a committee determined the groupings behind closed doors, it would surely result in political enemies being forced to face Brazil in the first round and the country giving Sepp Blatter the biggest… » 12/06/13 9:27am 12/06/13 9:27am

Blatter Admits Qatar World Cup May Be A Mistake, Throws Shit At Wall

Even if you ignore the rampant bribery allegations, the 2022 World Cup in Qatar is already a massive clusterfuck. This is in part because the World Cup is set to take place in June or July, and summers in Qatar are really, really fucking hot. Like, way-too-fucking-hot-to-play-soccer hot. Now, FIFA president Sepp… » 9/09/13 3:20pm 9/09/13 3:20pm

FIFA Can't Even Properly Ban Corrupt Executives

Let's make this clear: No one believes Mohammed bin Hammam, the FIFA executive committee member instrumental in bringing the 2022 World Cup to his native Qatar, didn't bribe people. It's still pretty much accepted that bin Hammam was the brains behind the envelopes full of cash handed out to representative of… » 7/19/12 6:40pm 7/19/12 6:40pm

FBI Investigates Russian Plot To Hack World Cup Bids, And Other…

When the wining World Cup bids were announced last year, it was hard not to wrinkle a Corrugator supercilii muscle. Russia had beat out luckless England for the 2018 World Cup. Even weirder was that Qatar had triumphed over the mighty USA for 2022. Now a squad of FBI agents attached to the "Eurasian organized crime"… » 12/07/11 12:55pm 12/07/11 12:55pm

Sepp Blatter "Deeply Regrets" Suggesting That Racism In Soccer Can Be…

Last week, for the 739th time, there were calls for Sepp Blatter's resignation following a fresh round of insensitive remarks from the FIFA president. In two separate television interviews, Blatter denied that there was any racism in soccer and then suggested that players settle their differences with a handshake. » 11/18/11 5:45pm 11/18/11 5:45pm

Two Members Of An Extremist Right-Wing English Group Occupied The Roof…

Security must not be very tight at FIFA headquarters in Zurich because two members of the notorious right-wing English Defence League took to the roof of Sepp Blatter's palace to protest FIFA's recent and—it must be acknowledged—very stupid decision to prevent English players from wearing embroidered poppies on their… » 11/09/11 12:25pm 11/09/11 12:25pm

Disgraced Ex-FIFA VP Plans To Disgrace FIFA President With "Tsunami" Of…

FIFA, if you are so inclined to take notice, is potentially in the midst of a total organizational breakdown, because we're now hearing what we already knew all along: FIFA is very corrupt. This is a special breakdown, though, because it is one in which the accused person in power attempts to deflect any wrongdoing by… » 10/18/11 11:15am 10/18/11 11:15am

Obese Santa Claus Lookalike And FIFA Whistleblower Chuck Blazer…

Chuck Blazer, if you recall, is the FIFA executive who went public with bribery accusations against Mohammed bin Hammam, the only rival to Sepp Blatter during FIFA's presidential elections. (The charges torpedoed bin Hammam's candidacy.) Blazer is also the number two at CONCACAF. But not for long. The massive American… » 10/06/11 8:05pm 10/06/11 8:05pm

FBI Investigating Obese Santa Claus Look-Alike And FIFA "Whistleblower"…

Quick recapitulation: In May, Chuck Blazer, the lone American on FIFA's executive committee, alleged that Mohammed bin Hammam, who was running against Sepp Blatter for the FIFA presidency, had offered bribes to members of the Caribbean Football Union in exchange for votes. Blatter seized upon the opportunity to ban… » 8/16/11 12:05pm 8/16/11 12:05pm

FIFA Opted Out Of Denouncing Homophobia Because They Couldn't Get…

There was an awkward double-booking in Berlin two weeks ago: the host city for the 2011 Women's World Cup had promised use of Brandenburg Gate — located in the city center — on Saturday, June 25, to both FIFA organizers and to the annual gay pride parade. If you know anything about FIFA's tolerance for homosexuals,… » 7/05/11 5:00pm 7/05/11 5:00pm

Here's A Photo Of A Prominent Public Figure Glad-Handing A Brutal Despot

This image is cause only for despair. Can you believe Robert Mugabe would shake this man's hand? For shame. We've witnessed this kind of debasement before, when Russian crime figures, vile dictators and Michel Platini have lowered themselves to drinks and smirks with Sepp Blatter. On Monday, Blatter winged into Harare… » 7/05/11 2:35pm 7/05/11 2:35pm