FIFA Turned A Huge Profit On The World Cup, Of Course

FIFA is bad. "Bad," as in many of the people who work there are bad, and they often do bad things to the sport of soccer and to the world at large. But let no one ever say that FIFA isn't very, very good at making money: it pulled in more than $2 billion in revenues last year, nearly all of that from the World Cup. » 3/20/15 3:19pm 3/20/15 3:19pm

Three More Sponsors Decide To Stop Supporting Slavery, Drop FIFA 

Good news everybody! Three of FIFA's biggest sponsors—Johnson & Johnson, Castrol, and Continental Tires—confirmed to The Telegraph that they have cut their ties with FIFA, joining Sony and Emirates in declining to continue supporting slavery. As second-tier World Cup sponsors in 2014, the three companies paid FIFA… » 1/22/15 8:15pm 1/22/15 8:15pm

Head FIFA Investigator Quits To Protest Cover-Up

Michael J. Garcia, the former U.S. Attorney who spent 18 months investigating charges of corruption levied against FIFA only to have his 432-page report locked away and publicly summarized in a 42-page report that Garcia himself deemed to be incomplete and inaccurate, is tired of this bullshit. » 12/17/14 11:29am 12/17/14 11:29am

German Football League Threatens FIFA Over Unreleased World Cup Report

FIFA finally released a summary of their report into the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody it basically cleared Qatar, Russia, and current FIFA officials of any wrongdoing. The 42-page report was written by FIFA ethics committee judge Hans-Joachim Eckert, and… » 11/15/14 5:55pm 11/15/14 5:55pm

Even Carlo Ancelotti Wishes Sepp Blatter Would Shut The Fuck Up

FIFA has released its Ballon d'Or shortlist, which means Sepp Blatter can take time away from his day job of punching up FIFA propaganda and gets to enjoy some of that media facetime he loves so much. Like you, Real Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti would prefer Sepp spared us his hot takes. » 10/29/14 3:12pm 10/29/14 3:12pm

One FIFA Executive Thinks Qatar Will Lose The 2022 World Cup

Everything about the 2022 World Cup in Qatar—from the scores of migrant workers who have died building stadiums and infrastructure, to the accusations of corruption, to the scorching heat that will make games unplayable—is shaping up to be a disaster. It is so bad that even one of the Bond-villain type assholes on… » 9/22/14 9:54am 9/22/14 9:54am


» 9/20/14 8:49am 9/20/14 8:49am

FIFA Weekly's Sepp Blatter Profile Is A Marvel Of Propaganda

This week's edition of FIFA Weekly, a magazine that exists, for some reason, contains a short profile of FIFA president Sepp Blatter. It is one of the most rank and shameless pieces of propaganda ever committed to print. » 8/25/14 1:45pm 8/25/14 1:45pm

2022 World Cup Final To Be Played In City That's Currently Not Real

The 2022 Qatar World Cup continues to be a disastrous exercise for the world's most beautiful game. In addition to the deadly slave labor and oppressive heat, a CNN article from Monday points out that the city expected to host the final, Lusail, still needs to be built: » 8/20/14 1:18pm 8/20/14 1:18pm

FIFA Insists Women Play On Turf, Even Though They Hate It

The 2015 women's World Cup is still quite a long way off, but that doesn't mean that FIFA isn't already working hard on alienating the participants. No organization is better at being the worst than FIFA, except for maybe SMERSH. » 8/14/14 9:52am 8/14/14 9:52am

The "FIFA Corruption" Twitter Account Is Fake, Of Course

Shortly after Germany won the World Cup final 1-0, a Twitter account popped up claiming that the match was fixed, and it had some seemingly convincing evidence. Alas, it was a (clever) hoax. » 7/13/14 8:03pm 7/13/14 8:03pm

» 6/10/14 5:06pm 6/10/14 5:06pm

Sepp Blatter Says We're All Racist For Pointing Out FIFA's Corruption

While addressing FIFA's African and Asian confederations on Monday, FIFA president Sepp Blatter seized the opportunity to mount a defense against the most recent and damning allegations that Qatar bribed its way to the 2022 World Cup. He did this by accusing all of his critics of being racist. » 6/10/14 10:25am 6/10/14 10:25am

Sepp Blatter: Giving Qatar The World Cup "Was A Mistake"

FIFA president Sepp Blatter offered up his strongest words yet regarding the scandal- and problem-plagued Qatar bid for the 2022 World Cup, admitting what nearly everyone else already has: "Of course," Blatter told a Swiss TV station, "it was a mistake." » 5/16/14 8:38am 5/16/14 8:38am

What if FIFA Seeded The World Cup The Way Americans Would?

FIFA is so hopelessly corrupt that today's lottery to determine World Cup round robin groups is a necessary evil. If a committee determined the groupings behind closed doors, it would surely result in political enemies being forced to face Brazil in the first round and the country giving Sepp Blatter the biggest… » 12/06/13 9:27am 12/06/13 9:27am

Cristiano Ronaldo's Beef With The Head Of FIFA Is So Dumb

Widely loathed shadowy mastermind/FIFA president Sepp Blatter recently caused trouble when he made an appearance in front of England's Oxford Union, where he was asked to make a choice: Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo? » 10/29/13 4:40pm 10/29/13 4:40pm

Blatter Admits Qatar World Cup May Be A Mistake, Throws Shit At Wall

Even if you ignore the rampant bribery allegations, the 2022 World Cup in Qatar is already a massive clusterfuck. This is in part because the World Cup is set to take place in June or July, and summers in Qatar are really, really fucking hot. Like, way-too-fucking-hot-to-play-soccer hot. Now, FIFA president Sepp… » 9/09/13 3:20pm 9/09/13 3:20pm

FIFA Can't Even Properly Ban Corrupt Executives

Let's make this clear: No one believes Mohammed bin Hammam, the FIFA executive committee member instrumental in bringing the 2022 World Cup to his native Qatar, didn't bribe people. It's still pretty much accepted that bin Hammam was the brains behind the envelopes full of cash handed out to representative of… » 7/19/12 6:40pm 7/19/12 6:40pm