sepp-blatter Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
All Hail Sepp Blatter, FIFA Emperor-For-Life
As expected, courageous leader, tenacious progressive, and upstanding citizen Sepp Blatter has won re-election as president of FIFA. His impeccable credentials gave him the overwhelming victory over Guy Who Is Not Sepp Blatter, with the first vote ending up 133-73 before Blatter’s opponent generousl...
Bob Ley Sick Of The Farce That Is FIFA, Rips Up Agenda
FIFA held its presidential election in Zurich today—two days after the United States Justice Department arrested a number of its officials on various charges—but it had a few additional issues to discuss beforehand. ESPN’s Bob Ley, who sounded like he had been awake since the start (which would be a...
Will There Be Enough Votes To Oust Sepp Blatter?
In about five hours, while you are sleeping soundly, FIFA will begin voting in Zurich for its next president. The secret ballot will be held by the 209 member associations of FIFA, who each hold one vote, meaning that Maldives has the same voting power as Germany. In the first round of voting a cand...
Deadcast: Are The FIFA Arrests Bullshit?
As you know by now, American officials conducted a huge sting operation two nights ago that culminated in the arrest of a shitload of FIFA officials, all of whom were tied to numerous instances of bribery and outright corruption. Now, I think it’s safe to say that we all despise FIFA, and nothing pl...
Sepp Blatter Shocked, Shocked To Find That Bribery Is Going On In Here
In a statement released just now, FIFA president Sepp Blatter wants you to know that he’s just as concerned as you are about corruption in his organization. Corruption which comes as a complete surprise to him, and which he totally has nothing to do with....
American CONCACAF Exec Who Ratted Out FIFA To FBI Was Just As Corrupt
The source of much of the information the Department of Justice accumulated on its way to sledgehammering FIFA is one man: Chuck Blazer, former CONCACAF bigwig, member of Sepp Blatter’s inner circle, and eventual FBI informant....
Anti-Corruption NGO Calls For Sepp Blatter To Resign
Sepp Blatter was not among those FIFA officials arrested in Zurich this morning; we do not know if he is among those under investigation for World Cup bribery allegations. But in a statement, a group that monitors corporate, political, and organizational corruption around the globe called for Blatte...
Reports: Justice Department Brings The Goddamn Hammer Down On FIFA
According to reports in both the Wall Street Journal ($) and New York Times, a number of FIFA officials were just arrested in Zurich, Switzerland, and according to the Times are expected to be extradited to the United States where they will face charges of “wire fraud, racketeering and money launder...
Report: Sepp Blatter Too Afraid Of The FBI To Enter The United States
Slavery-enabler Sepp Blatter might actually be facing consequences for how FIFA awarded the 2018 and 2022 World Cup bids to Russia and Qatar. ESPN’s investigative newsmagazine show, E:60, debuted an hour-long documentary on Blatter tonight, and reports that he is so fearful of an FBI investigation i...
FIFA Turned A Huge Profit On The World Cup, Of Course
FIFA is bad. "Bad," as in many of the people who work there are bad, and they often do bad things to the sport of soccer and to the world at large. But let no one ever say that FIFA isn't very, very good at making money: it pulled in more than $2 billion in revenues last year, nearly all of that fro...
Three More Sponsors Decide To Stop Supporting Slavery, Drop FIFA
Good news everybody! Three of FIFA's biggest sponsors—Johnson & Johnson, Castrol, and Continental Tires—confirmed to The Telegraph that they have cut their ties with FIFA, joining Sony and Emirates in declining to continue supporting slavery. As second-tier World Cup sponsors in 2014, the three co...
Head FIFA Investigator Quits To Protest Cover-Up
Michael J. Garcia, the former U.S. Attorney who spent 18 months investigating charges of corruption levied against FIFA only to have his 432-page report locked away and publicly summarized in a 42-page report that Garcia himself deemed to be incomplete and inaccurate, is tired of this bullshit....
German Football League Threatens FIFA Over Unreleased World Cup Report
FIFA finally released a summary of their report into the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody it basically cleared Qatar, Russia, and current FIFA officials of any wrongdoing. The 42-page report was written by FIFA ethics committee judge Hans-Joa...
Even Carlo Ancelotti Wishes Sepp Blatter Would Shut The Fuck Up
FIFA has released its Ballon d'Or shortlist, which means Sepp Blatter can take time away from his day job of punching up FIFA propaganda and gets to enjoy some of that media facetime he loves so much. Like you, Real Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti would prefer Sepp spared us his hot takes....
One FIFA Executive Thinks Qatar Will Lose The 2022 World Cup
Everything about the 2022 World Cup in Qatar—from the scores of migrant workers who have died building stadiums and infrastructure, to the accusations of corruption, to the scorching heat that will make games unplayable—is shaping up to be a disaster. It is so bad that even one of the Bond-villain t...
<em>FIFA Weekly's</em> Sepp Blatter Profile Is A Marvel Of Propaganda
This week's edition of FIFA Weekly, a magazine that exists, for some reason, contains a short profile of FIFA president Sepp Blatter. It is one of the most rank and shameless pieces of propaganda ever committed to print. ...
2022 World Cup Final To Be Played In City That's Currently Not Real
The 2022 Qatar World Cup continues to be a disastrous exercise for the world's most beautiful game. In addition to the deadly slave labor and oppressive heat, a CNN article from Monday points out that the city expected to host the final, Lusail, still needs to be built: ...
FIFA Insists Women Play On Turf, Even Though They Hate It
The 2015 women's World Cup is still quite a long way off, but that doesn't mean that FIFA isn't already working hard on alienating the participants. No organization is better at being the worst than FIFA, except for maybe SMERSH....
The "FIFA Corruption" Twitter Account Is Fake, Of Course
Shortly after Germany won the World Cup final 1-0, a Twitter account popped up claiming that the match was fixed, and it had some seemingly convincing evidence. Alas, it was a (clever) hoax....