100-Year-Old Superhuman Orville Rogers Sets New World Record In Race Of Scootin' Grandpas [CORRECTED]

Look at this hightailin’ geezer! CORRECTION: While Orville is, in fact, a hightailin’ geezer, and certainly the man in green is also a hightailin’ geezer—perhaps the hightailin’-est geezer in the history of geezers—it turns out Orville is in white, in lane 2. It’s an impressive run, and he did indeed set a new world record for 100-year-old men. The man in green, who runs like the goddamn wind, is Edward Cox, aged 90, who ran the 60m in a blistering 11.73 seconds.

This is not a fair race, AT ALL. Those other men are normal 100-year-olds; Orville Rogers is like friggin’ Superman! He’s got the world record in the Men’s age-95 400m, and the Men’s age-90 mile, and is part of the world record holding age-90 Men’s 4x100 relay team, and the world record holding age-90 Men’s 4x400 relay team, and the world record holding age-90-plus Men’s 4x800 relay team. What chance does sweet old fit grandpa have against the invincible Orville? They should have a 100-year-old, non-Orville bracket.