Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

A Dozen Santa Clauses Throw Down In An Unseasonable Brawl

Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Girl Fight in Quezon City Philippines." Tonight's commentator: Filipino Foodie Drew Lazor. (Coming next week: In the penultimate TNF collection, a Texas lady reviews a Texas-bro brawl.)

While I'm somewhat flattered that Hickey tapped me as an expert commentator for this short-but-sweet street Philippine ladybrawl, I've also got to admit that I'm not sure how much I've really got to contribute.

I've only been in one fight in my life. I think I was about 10. The subject of the scrap was that the kid I punched would not stop reciting dialogue from that year's biggest box office hits. I wonder where that kid is now, if he still likes The Mask and if he ever looks back upon the swift justice of my prepubescent blows with a mixture of fear and respect.

Anyway, the only real connective threads here are a) I'm part Filipino (as Hickey likes to remind me as often as possible, in case I forget); and b) I fall down YouTube K-holes pretty much daily. This doesn't really provide me any unique perspective, but it does make Hickey looks less xenophobic so I'm happy to help! (Ed. note: These conversations generally center around Manny Pacquiao's divine singing voice.)

I'm not fluent enough in Tagalog to fully translate the verbal part of the dispute (native speaking commenters?), but I do recognize several curse words that seem very well-placed and well-timed.

Let's start by saying homegirl in the blue top and black pants is tough. She has brawled before. You can tell my the seamless hair pull into gut kick move she pulls at :36, as well as the casual manner in which she wipes spit off her lip and hikes up her trousers, all while holding her opponent at bay by the hair (!), at :49.

Her fellow haymaker, girl in white top and black shorts, seems far less controlled in her movements, but damn if she doesn't pack a wallop too. I would not mess with either of these women.

Who knows what happened after this, but I'd like to think everyone made up and worked out their differences over longganisa, beef tapa and weirdly sweet spaghetti at the local Jollibee.


And now, the rest of the Tuesday Night Fights:

• White-On-White Violence Enterlude:

• Here's a cool bottles-involved fight between Cowboys and Chargers fans because football and tough. H/T VT (Start of Violence, 0:28)

• This is what it looks like when a bunch of fellas really, really want that garter belt at a wedding. (SoV, 0:12)

• High-school football rivals food brawl at a Whataburger in Texas. Thankfully, it wasn't Knox City. (SoV, 0:01)

• Shit's getting real at a juicy Oilers training camp, eh? (SoV, 0:29)

• It's Never Too Early For Brawlin' Santas Intermission Report:

• At the 0:20 mark, "Street Fight on Sunset" comes perilously close to including an American History X-style curb stomp. But, dude gets up and tensions dissipate. smdh (SoV, instantly)


• This some ratchet shit in Utica, yo. (SoV, instantly)

• In which road-ragers explain their stance while in police custody. (SoV, all talk)


• Angry young men risk the dirtying of their school unis to settle differences via fist and mettle. (SoV, instantly)

• The St. Louis Stick-Wielding, Purse-Snatching Intermezzo:

• Per YouTuber watkins494, "I only got the last 20 seconds of it but my boy beat the living hell outta a 18 year old." Old enough to vote, old enough to fight. Fuck to the yizess. (SoV, instantly)



• Have we seen "Stripped and Street Fight" before? (SoV, instantly)

• Seven seconds, three shots. (SoV, instantly)

• The K9/Swingers Party Going Awry Live Look-In:

• From America's birthplace, Ladies doing battle on the land where Balboa and Creed once fought (SoV, 0:24). Bonus Coverage I: Kenzos doing what Kenzos do (SoV, instantly). Bonus Coverage II: we have ladies fighting at a "philly papi stor" (SoV, 0:06). Bonus Coverage III: Students brawlin' on the SEPTA bus? Students brawlin' on the SEPTA bus (SoV, 0:26).


• TNF Beijing Correspondent Anthony Tao presents "Local Party Secretary Accused Of Sending In The Goons" (SoV, 0:08).

• "Dismantling after school," or head kicking in Russia or somewhere where head kicking isn't frowned upon. (SoV, instantly)


• The Lil Guy Vs. Star-Spangled-Boxers Comradabro Intermezzo:

• Duluth. (SoV, instantly)

• Guess this should be called the Black-on-White Little-Bit-of-Violence Hour. (SoV, 2:22 but chatter throughout)


• Lady in Punky Brewster songs done gets caught up in the bidness in the Bronx, yo, (SoV, 0:10)

• Others: "Decent fan brawl - 2 clips." "Bowling Alley Brawl Fight." "Box Cutter Fight Woman Brawl Leads To Injuries New Fad RECORD POST Internet." "'Bring Da Ruckus'...MASSIVE BRAWL At Baltimore High School Over Headphones!!(Full Scale Riots)." "Brawl breaks out outside Bangor courthouse." "Best Street Fight!" "Fight." "Pakistani Girls street fight."


• You Go On, Git, Nothing To See Here At Dick's Sporting Goods Coda:

• The "Bar Fight" Exitlude: