A Few Questions About That Six-Page Letter José Mourinho Supposedly Wrote To Manchester United

Hmm.

What?

How’s his handwriting?

Did he write on the back sides of pages to save trees?

Does he know how to use a computer?

If he wrote this on the computer what font would he use? (Papyrus, that fucker).

Is he really “relaxed” about his future if he’s writing lovesick letters?

Can we have a copy?

Please?

Did he spell “Adnan Januzaj” correctly?

How far into his plan to emotionally torment Juan Mata did he get?

What kind of paper did he use?

What kind of “forensic analysis” did he do?

How would he pronounce Daley Blind’s last name?

José?

José, you there?

José, you okay buddy?

Photo via AP