A Frank Talk About Jacking It With Your Pals

The NFL: It’s for sure happening again, and it’s fine. It’s not ideal, a lot of it is really honestly pretty bad and shitty to watch, but it’s happening. There’s no way around the fact that it’s certainly happening. The games count, and that some of it at least is fine; the Browns and Steelers tied, for instance, so that was pretty good. If you were worried about whether the NFL and its first week of games was discussed on this week’s Deadcast, let me go ahead and put your mind at ease: My friends, it was. As quickly as possible. And then it was on to the important stuff.

Which, sadly for all of us, amounted to Paul McCartney telling that, back when The Beatles couldn’t even afford any private space in which to masturbate separately, everyone just kind of [awful leering pause] came together to [another equally awful pause] work one out as a team. You wouldn’t think that it would be an easy transition from Le’Veon Bell’s peculiar and fraught ongoing holdout to [excruciating pause] masturbation jokes, but Drew is a professional and as it turns out had some profoundly horrifying prep school stuff to share on this particular topic. And then we deleted the entire podcast.

Ha ha, no we obviously did not. We unpacked that at length, considered the importance of Major League Baseball’s bullpen cart and why mascots should be required to drive it, took on the delights of unleashing a brutal serve-and-volley onslaught on the President of the United States, and spent what wound up being a very illuminating few minutes considering which of our 50 United States contributed the most to American popular music. Yo La Tengo comes up as many times as Kenny Loggins, which I guess checks out.

There is more, but honestly that is also a lot. A great deal of what is not otherwise enumerated above has to do with Donald Trump and while that is just inherently a bummer no matter how you slice it, very little of it is about the way he is debasing everything we ever held dear as Americans and most of it is about whether he would be able do basic human tasks and also I guess also whether we could beat him at tennis. It also comes up, quite naturally and not at all in an obtrusive way, that our next Deadcast is going to be All The Way Live From Chicago’s Thalia Hall, next Monday, September 17, and that tickets for it are still available. You’ve been warned. About all of it.

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