When something is too good to be true, it usually is. Like earlier this season when Washington Commanders’ mugs with the state of Washington outline were being sold outside the stadium — except they were bootlegs, not official team merch. What a royal fuck up that would’ve been if they were real, right?
Well, I don’t know, six or seven weeks later someone kept giving the organization rope, and they hung themselves — again. From the franchise that brought you such films as “The Owner from Hell,” “The Owner from Hell: Resurrection,” and “The Owner from Hell: Afterlife,” comes the new comedy, “Bounced Check.” It’s basically a reboot of “Blank Check,” but instead of a child gifting himself $1 million, a raffle-winning Commanders fan has gifted us his story of trying to cash a $14,000 check that he won from a team raffle.
Season-ticket holder Drew Shipley phoned into The Team 980, a D.C. sports talk radio station, and shared his tale of woe. He told host Chris Russell of Russell & Medhurst about the ordeal, saying he won a prize worth $14,822 at a charity raffle during the season opener against Jacksonville.
Shipley, who’s originally a Raiders fan started rooting for the Commanders when he moved to the DMV from Iowa a year ago, then shared the receipts, or in this case, a picture of the check.
“It took 35 days to get the [first] check,” Shipley told Deadspin. “And a three-day bank hold, and for good reason.”
Working in the Commanders’ media relations department is like being a firefighter in California during an especially hot and dry July, and they blamed the bank and wired the fan the money directly.
Shipley, whose phone has been ringing off the hook, said the money was delivered within two hours of calling into that radio station. He also wanted to clarify one thing. Contrary to what he’s seen out there on social media, he says he had not spent a dollar of the money from that first check that bounced. Smart.
If Dan Snyder was running any other business the way he runs the Commanders, it would’ve filed for bankruptcy years ago, and he probably would’ve been indicted (this is where we are legally obligated to tell you that Dan Snyder has denied all allegations of wrongdoing). This is professional sports though, and no matter how much of a colossal fuck up you are, the leagues make so much money there are minimal consequences for being a disaster of epic proportions.
This sort of malpractice could only occur under two, maybe three other owners in sports, but Snyder definitely would’ve been my first pick had you told me the story and not named the team. What’s next? Are repo men going to show up and take back the gobs of Commanders’ gear that their supporters aren’t buying?
Like the loyal, mistreated fans of the DMV, one can only hope they take that and more.
As for Shipley, and his feelings about the Commanders, this team he now roots for, he summed it up like this: “You can change the name, but you can’t change the spots.”