As many have pointed out already, the World Series didn't just decide who the 2006 champion was; it apparently established the most dangerous city in America. If the national anthem singers at Busch Stadium are to be trusted, this shouldn't be too much of a surprise. The nasty turf wars between Billy Ray Cyrus and Ozzie Smith's son Nico have waged for years; the beef rose after a heated debate as to whether or not it was better to be the gay son of a Hall of Famer or just have a mullet. (We side with Nico on this one, overwhelmingly, but we really don't want to get involved.)
St. Louis "won" the most dangerous city, and Detroit was second, though we were actively disappointed by the lack of burning cars outside Busch Stadium last Friday. We tried to set our own on fire, to set an example, but apparently Chevy Cobalts aren't particularly flammable. Plucky cars, those.
(We're not counting this as our third Cardinals post, by the way. Sorry. Just one more.)