Ovechkin awakened from a weeks-long Twitter slumber to send out this photo with the caption "With lucky guy James who win Mr Big dinner with me. Hahaha))))" (Those are Russian smiley faces, I believe.) But—that cake. Can we talk about the cake? I could take or leave the dinner with Ovechkin — his English isn't excellent, and he doesn't seem that great at conversation, and he'd probably be too busy hitting on the waitress to talk hockey with me. But I think I would pay any amount of money to have a cake with his and my faces on it. I would put it in my freezer, like a wedding cake, and bring it out to look at when I'm feeling down. "Hi cake," I'd say. "Remember when they made a cake with Alex Ovechkin and my faces on it? Of course you remember. You're that cake. I love you, cake."