America* Wins At Boats

Oracle Team USA, which counts more New Zealanders than Americans among its crew, just beat Emirates Team New Zealand in the 19th and deciding Boat Race To End All Boat Races.

New Zealand gained the hole shot and took an early lead, but on the second leg—an upwind leg, where Oracle has been dominating the Kiwis ever since making structural and tactical changes 12 races ago—Oracle burst ahead and never looked back. They boated the shit out of the other boat guys.

New Zealand's prime minister: not pleased.

The New York Jets(!): pleased.

Larry Ellison and Team Oracle retain the Auld Mug, which means the gorgeous, expensive, nearly sci-fi AC72 yachts are likely here to stay, as is San Francisco Bay for the host site. Let this be a lesson to all your kids out there: Work hard, spend hundreds of millions, rewrite the rulebook, cheat a little bit, and you too can win the big boat race.

Keep on boating, boatbros.