Bros puffing out their chests and acting tough in the Preakness infield is a thing that probably happens every year, but I doubt that any of them have put on a performance as wonderful as this one. This bro right here is special, because he can kill with his fists as well as his mind.
Not only does this hero "do UFC," which gives him the ability to "wipe the floor" with other bros, he's also a learned gentleman. "I'm writing a book, bitch!" he says with perfect inflection. "I'm an author. I know fuckin' way more words than you fuckin' can even begin to comprehend." Luckily, he shares some of these words, like "inbreded" and "conturrvved" (definition: to have totally twisted a bros words in an un-chill way) with us plebs. Also: "I went to Penn State. I paid 80 grand."
Honestly, this is probably exactly what Ernest Hemingway acted like at parties.