ajd Page 32 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Which One Of These Geniuses Do You Think Ran Onto Wrigley Field Yesterday?
"Dude" or "Sweet." Take your time. Think it over. Would "Dude," with his tilted hat, be brave enough to do it even though he doesn't appear to be wearing enough sunblock? Or will "Sweet" do the honors?...

Nick Swisher's Soon-To-Be Wife Is A Scientologist?
This news of potential matrimonial conflict is brought to you byBob's Blitz, which points out that Swisher's fiancée, actress Joanna Garcia, has some ties to L.Ron Hubbard's Hollywood weirdo community....

The One Where Mark Sanchez Has A New Miami Waitress
Poise'n: (April15th) So I know the proud father of Sanchez's new flavor of the week. He was showing me cell phone pics of the two the other day. She's a waitress named Lindsey Hughes who works at Club LIV in Miami [GQPhotoshoot]...

The One Where Mark Sanchez Goes To A Graduation Party Tonight
Where The Poise is:Mark Sanchez is in the bay area visiting one of "Football's Fabulous Females" and is supposed to join her for a graduation party at The Saddle Rack in Fremont, CA on Saturday night, 5/29...Requesting anonymity. (GQPhotoshoot)...

Last Night's Winner: Maria Menounos
In sports everyone's a winner, some just win better than others. Like the Celtics' shit-talking Greek mascot, Maria Menounos, who's become Boston's Ashley Judd during this year's Finals run ....

Oh. Bye.
Have a good vampirey weekend everybody. I'll be back tomorrow dicking around because everyone else deserves a day off. Including you. So stop by only if necessary. And God bless The Starter Wife....

Live Chat: With This Guy Sitting On The Toilet
Do you have any questions? It doesn't matter. I'm going to be sitting here with my hand in my pants waiting for you to ask something if you have one. Or we can just "chat."...

Here's Urban Meyer's Daughter Because It's Friday, And Other Things Of Note
It's a three-day weekend so things are going to be a little looser than usual around these parts. Especially today. At 12 p.m. I'll be doing a live chat in the comments section. Bring your questions, your ire, your cookie sheets....

It Appears 50 Cent Went On His Own Public Humiliation Diet
Mr. Cent went from a jacked 214 lbs. to 160 in nine weeks to play a cancer-stricken football player in "Things Fall Apart." It does not mention if he drank a fuckload of green tea. (H/T Gillin.) [ThisIs50]...

Dear Commenters: See This Guy? He Was Mauled By A Fucking Bear. You're Next.
Goddammit. It's been almost one year since that glorious day where many of you hopeless turds were swiftly tossed out of this place for prolonged cuntiness and now that time is here again. FUCKING RUN....

After Seeing This Promo Pitch, Who Wouldn't Want To Go On A Cruise With Rick Dempsey?
Walkoff Walk discovered this gem of a YouTube video where one cadence-challenged pitchman tries to sell this Rick Dempsey (himself!) luxury cruise. You will. Talk like. This. All day. [WalkoffWalk]...

Here's An Indonesian Toddler Who Smokes 40 Cigs Per Day
Exasperated mum says: "He's totally addicted. If he doesn't get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall. He tells me he feels dizzy and sick." Do they have 3-1-1 in Musi Banyuasin? [TheSun]...

Erin Andrews Shows Off Her Dancing Wounds
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

And Now A Photo Of Evan Longoria's Penis. Allegedly.
Those Beantown rapscallions at Barstool Sports have posted a photo of what one woman claims is the Rays' third baseman's prodigious bologna hammer. If you choose to click, remember that the safety of your workplace may be in peril. PENISPHOTO....

Pi Beta Phi: The Party-Menace Sorority Of The Midwest
Ohio University's branch of Pi Beta Phi held a winter formal and, just like their sisters at Miami University (of Ohio), they abandoned all forms of lady-likeness and terrorized the place where it was held. The Smoking Gun has the gory rundown....

Boston Radio Hosts Hang Up On Delonte-Banged-LeBron's Mom Rumor Monger
Although TerezOwens is gaining some national attention from his "Exclusive" LeBron scoop, 98.5 The Sports Hub's Toucher and Rich refuse to waste their time letting Terez stand by his Nigerian Prince sources. The last two minutes are highly amusing. [98.5SportsHubviaSRI]...

Last Night's Winner: Fans Of Fingering
In sports everyone's a winner — some win better than others, like every headline writer who's dreamed of using the verb "finger." Last night was a flat-out finger blast for those folks....

This Is What Happens When You Do Ecstasy At Home By Yourself In Your Underwear
He actually took a sedative to calm himself down a bit. Then, of course, he strips and dances around with a pacifier in his mouth. Because it's rave or die time, I assume. Mesmerizing. [ViaAlexBlagg'sTwitter]...

Yes, The "N" In ESPN Looks Like Boba Fett
You can now impress every PTI-obsessed stormtrooper at the next sporty Star Wars gathering you attend. Those exist, right? [TheDailyWhat]...

It's Time For Some Tiger Woods Mistress News
This is not one of Tiger Woods's mistresses. She's just a young lass with a healthy sense of humor propping her hiney up against a painting. "Crouching lady, Tiger banging," if you will. But there's other Tiger Woods mistress news....