albertburneko Page 18 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Wizards Need Rest More Than Anybody But Might Be Too Dumb To Take It
Here is how long the NBA season is: Long enough for the Washington Wizards to have gone from a bad team with a good starting five and an atrocious bench, to a good team with a great starting five and an atrocious bench, to a dark-horse Finals pick with a great starting five and a good bench, to a st...
NFL Developing New Way To Drain All Joy From Sport For No Reason
The NFL will develop “an educational training video” on how to celebrate a fucking touchdown, according to a tweet this morning by executive vice president of football operations Troy Vincent, who if this was not the most embarrassing thing he has ever announced in public has had an extremely awful ...
The NBA Schedule Fucks Players <i>And</i> Fans
Here are some points. All of them can be, and maybe even are, valid, in the same universe, at the same time....
Here Is A Funny Joke
My large adult sons (actually they’re eight and six) and I bundled ourselves against the cold and worked for around two and a half hours this morning. We shoveled and salted while the snow fell. We’d gotten around ten inches of heavy, wet snowfall in the thickest places; the work was tiring and occa...
Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Root For The Following NBA Teams
Many NBA teams are good, or are crummy but feature some fun young Turks who can provide some reason for optimism, or are not good and do not have fun young Turks but are taking it to the limit one more time with ol’ Dirk Nowitzki, and therefore are good to root for. In almost every NBA city, there’...
Of Course Tim Tebow Knows Where The Dang On-Deck Circle Is
So poor lil Tim Tebow, the world-famous football refugee and circumcision doer now trying his hand at baseball, prepared for his first spring-training plate appearance for the New York Mets yesterday by doddering all the way around behind home plate, from the third-base dugout to the first-base side...
Oh, Will You Shut Up About Defense Already?
So, we’ve been bickering about the NBA’s MVP award the past couple days; it’s March, the sports calendar is dead, people get bored, you start fighting over this sort of thing to pass the time. I blogged about it yesterday; Tom Scocca blogged about it today. Both times, the crux of the argument has b...
Russell Westbrook Is The Goddamn MVP, Clowns!
San Antonio’s Kawhi Leonard had a fabulous game last night against the Houston Rockets. He scored 39 points—17 in the fourth quarter alone—on only 18 shots. He nailed the game-deciding three-pointer with 25 seconds left, then sprinted half the length of the floor to deliver the even more game-decidi...
The Future Of Feature Writing Is Woof Woof Bark Aww
If you’re a regular reader of feature journalism on the internet, you have encountered what we at Deadspin sometimes refer to as the “Snow Fall” treatment, after the famous New York Times story that launched the phenomenon. This is when a publisher packages a (typically lengthy) feature story with f...
Jason Heyward Rebuilt His Butt Swing From Scratch
Jason Heyward was extremely atrocious last season, the first after he signed a mammoth eight-year, $184-million contract with the Chicago Cubs. His numbers—.230/.306/.325, a measly 35 extra-base hits in 592 plate appearances—were puke, due in no small part to a janky, splayed-out, multi-stage wreck ...
![Education Secretary DeVos: [Sound Of Me Spitting Out Coffee, Falling Out Of Chair]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/uitlf1tpu0tvsgmckaof.jpg)
Education Secretary DeVos: [Sound Of Me Spitting Out Coffee, Falling Out Of Chair]
Historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) are “real pioneers when it comes to school choice,” according to a statement by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos. Also, I’m going to pull my head off and punt it into a bog....
Bill Paxton Was The Best
The brilliant actor Bill Paxton died on Saturday at the age of 61, after what several outlets have reported was a stroke following scheduled heart surgery. This is awful. He was a goddamn gem of a screen actor, and he has left the world so much poorer now that he won’t be boasting or grinning or mel...
Now Let Us Heap Scorn Upon The NBA Trade Deadline Fuck-Ups
So the NBA trade deadline was a big dud, again. It featured one blockbuster deal—the New Orleans Pelicans just straight-up robbing the Sacramento Kings for DeMarcus Cousins—and then a handful of minor deals, none of which seem likely to shake up the standings all that much. That’s butt....
Trump Makes Thirsty Business Asshole Tell Flattering Golf Story
Here’s Day-Glo leatherette Cialis tote Donald Trump, in a meeting with various manufacturing executive types, prodding General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt to tell the story of the time Trump boasted about being a rich person who plays golf (probably true) and then hit a hole-in-one on his own golf c...
Bring Me The Dang Trades
Where are the friggin’ trades? That is what the hell I want to know. Show me the trades....
Unpaid SB Nation Writer Did Plagiarism, Got "Fired"
One of the hundreds of unpaid randos who produce the vast majority of the blogs on SB Nation’s network of sites has been, uh, fired(?), after the discovery that she’d extensively plagiarized an article about NFL draft prospects in a post for the blogging network’s Denver Broncos site....
NBA Teams Reportedly Want To Trade For Derrick Rose, But Why?
Here are two sets of Derrick Rose numbers....
Who Else Could Have Made A Play For DeMarcus Cousins?
As you surely know by now, last night the Sacramento Kings traded DeMarcus Cousins (and Omri Casspi) to the New Orleans Pelicans for rookie Buddy Hield, veterans Tyreke Evans and Langston Galloway, a protected 2017 first-round draft choice, and a 2017 second-round pick. Now that we know what type of...
Reports: DeMarcus Cousins Traded To New Orleans Pelicans
The first blockbuster of NBA trade-deadline season has arrived. According to several reports on Twitter, the Sacramento Kings have agreed to trade DeMarcus Cousins to the New Orleans Pelicans, where he will join fellow former Kentucky Wildcat big man (and MVP of tonight’s All-Star Game) Anthony Davi...