albertburneko Page 24 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Republican Voters Vote For A Very Republican Republican
Back in August, I wrote a post accusing the political media of covering Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy more, and more seriously, than it deserved. “Stop Pretending Donald Trump Is Running For President,” I titled the post. D’oh....
James Harden Saved The Day
Time zones are weird. Here on the East Coast, the Houston Rockets had a really, really lousy February 25th, and it was all James Harden’s fault; on the West Coast, it turned out okay, all thanks to James Harden....
The Warriors Are The Best Team Ever, And They Can Eat Shit
Earlier today in Deadspin’s staff chat room, our editor Tim Marchman and I floated the idea of a “Fuck The Warriors” post, which would fully acknowledge everything great and fun and astonishing about these Golden State Warriors but also air out the completely irrational hatred he and I both feel tow...
Who Fires A Dog?
“Pack up your desk, Fido. You’re out.”...
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Danny Green Gets Deked By Chris Paul <i>And</i> Dunked On By DeAndre Jordan In One Play
The Spurs lost to the Clippers last night in L.A., 105-86. In typically passive-aggressive Spurs fashion they managed to deflate the game before it happened, holding out Kawhi Leonard with “calf tightness,” so who the hell knows what the result means. Probably nothing. That probably does not make Da...
Lifelong Failure Carly Fiorina Does What She Does Best
If Carly Fiorina’s life were a television series, last Wednesday’s season finale would have occasioned a lot of groaning about lazy formulas. Really? Another season ending with Carly an utter abject failure, and the people who worked for her unemployed? For chrissakes, House was more unpredictable t...
Would You Sail On The <i>Titanic II</i>?
Maybe you saw this news item today: Plans to launch Titanic II, a near-exact replica of the famously ill-fated ocean liner RMS Titanic, have been delayed from this year to 2018. This prompted a discussion among Deadspin staff: Would you travel aboard Titanic II, if you could do so for free? Some sai...
Rand Paul Was Always Bullshit
Rand Paul dropped out of the Republican presidential campaign after he came up shy of five percent in the Iowa caucus. This must have been a tremendous disappointment to ... well, nobody....
Farewell To Viral Internet Man Rick Santorum
Once upon a time, Rick Santorum was an ambitious young legislator whose considerable oratorical skills and policy fluency existed in unsteady balance with social views that make St. Paul look like Aleister Crowley. Now he is a slang term for the frothy mix of lube and shit that sometimes is a byprod...
Nobody Much Likes Losing
Here are some opinions a reasonable person can hold, simultaneously and without friction:...
Mike Huckabee's Campaign Charade Is Over, So That His Other Charades Might Continue
Driving south on Interstate 95 through Maryland, eventually you come to the I-495 interchange near College Park. If you stay on I-95, then for the next little while, you also are on I-495, the Capital Beltway; the routes are concurrent, sharing the same physical road. Farther along, in Springfield, ...
Martin O'Malley, A Stock Photo Of A Handsome Man, Ends His Presidential Bid
Generic man Martin O’Malley ended his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination last night. The Iowa caucus was rough on the former Baltimore mayor and Maryland governor: Once poll-workers sorted out the caucus-goers who thought they were standing in line to get their photo taken with “tha...
Counterpoint: Oh God, I Think I'm Going To Be Sick
Here, as best I can approximate it in text, is the sound I made when I saw the above photo for the first time: Whuuhhuuhuhhhhhhuulckk. It was the sound of the sudden fear that I might puke. If the internet contains a more distressing photograph than that one, I will just have to take your word for i...
Sting? More Like Stink!
This morning the NBA announced that Sting will perform during halftime of next month’s All-Star Game. I guess I must have missed the part where it also announced that the game would be held in the cabin of Tina Brown’s Jaguar....
Do's And Don'ts Of Blizzard Survival, From A Snowed-In Dumbass
The thing to know is, we are still snowed in. The first flakes came down around lunchtime on Friday; the last, late on Saturday night. It’s Tuesday now, and we’re still snowed in. My kids can’t even remember what it’s like to interact with other humans....
We're The Staff Of Deadspin. Let's Chat.
It’s Friday and the snowpocalypse has descended upon most of us. We’re hanging out in the discussion section below, ready to yak....
How Wile E. Coyote Explains The World
A joke has structure. It has a central rule. Setup, punchline. The setup produces a tensed, expectant state; the punchline resolves the tension with a surprise. If the elements of the joke are not arranged into a setup and a punchline, it is not a joke. It is just a statement....
Giant Monster Dunks On Poor Sucker; Poor Sucker Laughs
San Antonio’s “sort of an odd thing” Boban Marjanović (pictured here) is 7-foot-3, very strong, and has hands the size of Manu Ginobili. What I am saying here is that one can only do so much to prevent him from catching and dunking basketballs. Sometimes he’s just gonna catch a basketball and dunk i...