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Don't Coat Your Innards With Space Oil To Conserve Ketchup
You know how there's always a little bit of ketchup that you never quite get out of the bottle? It coats the inside; even if you do the thing where you stand the bottle on its head for 24 hours to let it all ooze down close to the nozzle, some of it never comes out, and goes in the trash....
Now There's A Ranch-Dressing Restaurant, So Let's Walk Into The Ocean
Listen. I say the following with a pristine record of support for unhealthful dairy-based coating glops—both as a genre of foodstuffs and in most specific instances—as well as with the firm backing of all available science: Ranch dressing is bad. Bad dressing....
Watch These Non-Ohioans Try To Eat Gross-Ass Cincinnati Chili
Here's twelve non-Ohioans (West-Coasters, specifically) trying to choke down some signature Ohio foods. There's a pretty broad selection of foods, here—Glier's goetta and so forth—but the centerpiece is the Skyline 3-way; they start eating it around 2:10 in the video. Spoiler alert: They think i...
![Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/dka0ezc5hswz0gwx5bjw.png)
Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]
Behold, the worst of all the things: a Redditor putting pumpkin in his diarrhea sludge! ...
Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries Are The Saddest Meal
This is not really a review of the Wendy's Pulled Pork Cheese Fries; in order for it to function as a review, I would have to go to a Wendy's location and say, aloud, to a Wendy's employee, "I will have the Pulled Pork Cheese Fries," and I can't even rehearse that without my hands literally punching...
This Church Song-And-Dance Is The Most Excruciating Thing I've Ever Seen
Oh God. Ohhhhh God. I hurt all over. I hurt all over and I want to die....
Hey Look, It's The Sad Cocktail Grenades You Always Wanted
Evidently these have been around for a while, but they're new to me. BuzzBallz: Regret In a Can. BuzzBallz: Liquid Cold-Sore. BuzzBallz: Convex Around the Sides, Like Your Abdomen When Fluid Accumulates In Your Peritoneal Cavity as a Result of the Liver Cirrhosis You Get From Living the Kind of L...
California's Endless Drought Cruelly Menaces Innocent Sushi Prices
Well, you finally did it, humans. You finally fucked up the ecosystem enough to imperil something that matters. No, not the millions of innocent human beings whose access to potable water is threatened by what appears more and more to be the end of rain- and snowfall in California. No. The sush...
Wall Street: Olive Garden Makes Bad Food Badly
A fight for control over Olive Garden's parent company, Darden Restaurants, has shed light on some of the Italianish restaurant chain's less-than-ideal kitchen practices. For example: Olive Garden kitchens do not salt their pasta water. For another example: Olive Garden kitchens exclusively prepar...
Who Wants To Wear This Uglier-Than-Hell Cincinnati Chili T-Shirt?
Better on your torso than inside it, I guess....
Restaurant Removes Bacon Sign, Ignites Culture War
This is it, folks. This just might be it. Your love of bacon will bring you to ruin, our ancestors said, but did we listen? Did we heed? No we did not. And now: Here we are, careening bacon-scented over the precipice of disaster. "My grandfather was alive in 2014," they will say, huddled fu...
Taste Test: Milk And Honey Original Café Mix, The Alleged Best Cereal
Back in February, our Tim Marchman posted a list that purported to rank breakfast cereals in order of deliciousness. His selection of something called "Milk and Honey Original Café Mix" for the top spot—on what's a pretty comprehensive list of the breakfast cereals you can find in your typical sup...