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Donald Trump Doesn't Like This Any More Than You Do
Donald Trump does not want to be the president....
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Earlier this morning, Ku Klux Klan-endorsed President-elect Donald Trump met with President Obama in the Oval Office to discuss the self-proclaimed sexual assault-enthusiast’s coming ascension....
This Isn't Fun Anymore
As I type this, a man who called Mexicans rapists, mocked a reporter’s physical disability, bragged about committing sexual assault, and wants to ban an entire religious group from entering the country is leading Hillary Clinton by 150 electoral votes to 109. I feel physically ill. ...
Marco Rubio Wins Steady Paycheck In Lead-Up To 2020 Loss
Unfortunately for Marco Rubio, he’s projected to win his race for the Senate in Florida. A win that, even more unfortunately for the American people, means four more years of dealing with Marco Rubio....
Welcome to Deadspin's Rigged Voter Fraud 2016 Liveblog
After 317 primary debates, far too many GOP candidates, countless repetitions of the word “email,” and one Billy Bush downfall, we have finally made it. My friends, in just a few hours, this godforsaken presidential election will be over....
Guess Who Got His Twitter Account Back
Much to our dismay, the final days of the election brought news that famed Twitter personality Donald Trump had his account confiscated as part of his staff’s last-ditch effort to maintain some degree of dignity. But you cannot maintain that which was never there. And now, our prayers seem to have b...
Donald Trump Uses <i>Fox & Friends</i> Appearance To Burn Tiffany Trump One Last Time
Earlier this morning, Donald Trump stopped by one of his favorite cable TV haunts, Fox & Friends, for one last campaign call-in. Also on the docket: Burning his very own daughter. ...
All The Questions The 2016 Campaigns Were Afraid To Answer
As anyone in media will be quick to tell you, this has been one long, grueling election. We’ve seen pope feuds, rigged podiums, and Ted Cruz’s innards. But for all its scandal and intrigue, this election has been largely devoid of one thing in particular: Motherfucking answers....
They Finally Took Away Donald Trump's Twitter Account
With just two days left in our collective national hell, the Trump campaign is in its final push to do... something. After all, Trump doesn’t have any pollsters since the campaign refused to pay them. And he barely has the support of his own favorite daughter. Now, though, Trump’s lost perhaps the o...
Did You Hear The Latest Big Election Scoop?
This past weekend, I caught some evolved form of plague from my two-year-old, disease-carrying nephew. Though I’m past the worst of the illness at this point, some residual sinus pressure remains. So I stopped by the drugstore on my way into the office. It was here that I learned that Huma Abedin an...
Here's Some Wholly Believable Donald Trump Jr. Gossip<em></em>
Earlier today, Miami-based DJ Scott Melker posted a story on Facebook from his time at the University of Pennsylvania—time that he shared with none other than First Son-hopeful Donald J. Trump Jr. And according to Melker, Don Jr. (and his father, for that matter) behaves pretty much exactly like you...
Minor League Baseball Team's New Logo Is A Musclebound, Horny Shrimp
If you woke up one day to discover that you were suddenly a millionaire named Ken Babby, what’s one of the first things you’d do? Would you use your wealth to humiliate a group of grown men by forcing them to wear uniforms featuring a cartoon shrimp humping the state of Florida? Why, yes—yes you wou...
I'm The Big Boy
In 2011, The Metropolitan Golf Writer’s Association awarded the Trump family the honor of Golf Family of the Year. Also in 2011, Donald J. Trump Jr. was a big, fancy booster chair boy....
Ted Cruz's Children Finally Happy In Public As Dad Hides Most Of Face<em></em><em></em><em></em>
“Two little girls... very excited to trick or treat with Mommy and Daddy.” Words that would be perfectly fine-ish under normal circumstances. Unfortunately, tonight, they come from this man:...
Can You Spot The Tiffany Trump In These Photos?<em></em>
Earlier today, the Trump campaign published a press release with photos from Ivanka’s big day campaigning for her father in South Florida. But there’s allegedly another Trump daughter in there, too. Can you spot the Tiffany Trump?...
Trump Ally Alex Jones: I'm Not Anti-Semitic, It's Just That The Jews Control Everything
You see, it’s not that Alex Jones—whom Donald Trump has previously called a “nice guy” with an “amazing” reputation—hates the Jews. It’s just that he knows how how devious and money-hungry they really are. And also that they control the Ubers....
Trump Eventually Remembers Daughter<em></em>
As Donald Trump took some time off from the campaign trail to unveil his brand new D.C. hotel, he took a moment to bring his much beloved children on stage at the inaugural press conference, so he could show them off to the world. Tiffany Trump was also in attendance. ...
Remember When Donald Trump Got Booed For Butchering "Take Me Out To The Ballgame”?<em></em>
The day: July 9, 2000. The place: Wrigley Field. A young, 54-year-old fake billionaire with wild aspirations had been practicing singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” for two full weeks in preparation for his big debut. And as Donald Trump gleefully tore into the mic, an entire stadium began to boo....
Can Donald Trump Grow A Beard? An Investigation
Donald Trump’s sense of self-worth seems to be based entirely on his status as an alpha male. He’s obscenely competitive, feels entitled to women, and is apparently fixated on the size of his dick. One hyper-masculine symbol, however, appears to have eluded Trump his entire life, for Donald Trump ha...
Donald Trump's Donation Ticker Is Actually Just A Sample File On Loop
Take a trip over to DonaldJTrump.com, and you’ll be greeted by the nice, prominent donation ticker you see above. The implication, of course, is that all these people have just added their name to Team Trump—and you should, too! Except that, at least according to the site’s source code, those “donat...