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Howard Dean Thinks Donald Trump Might Be On Coke<em></em><em></em><em></em>
And he wouldn’t be the first....

Welcome To Hell: It’s Deadspin’s 2016 Presidential Debate Liveblog <em></em>
Tonight at 9 p.m., a former Secretary of State will take on a bloviating game-show racist for the chance to be our president. And we’ll be liveblogging every goddamn minute of it....

Donald Trump Jr. Has Spent Years Fighting Twitter's Haters And Losers<em></em>
Twitter is full of idiots. Trolls, PC police, assholes, liberals—each one of them more infuriating than the last. And who, I ask, would be brave enough to tell these slobbering social justice warriors just how bad they really are if not for the wealthy and powerful children of celebrities? No one. T...
![Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/vx39uk0qkpugpvvrxiqy.jpg)
Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]
Over the past year, Donald Trump has called Ted Cruz a liar and a wacko, accused his father of helping to assassinate JFK, called his wife ugly, humiliated him at the RNC, and even once referred to Ted himself as “a pussy.” Now, Politico is reporting that Ted Cruz is “expected” to finally endorse Do...

That Idiot On Your Hunting Message Board Might Be Donald Trump Jr.
You’re the eldest son of one of the most reviled men in popular culture. You’re violently well-off, love guns, and have far too much free time on your hands. You, my friend, are Donald J. Trump Jr. And on the internet’s many hunting message boards, you have apparently found your home....

Tiffany Trump's Secret Service Detail, Like Her Father's Attention, Absent
As of today, Ivanka Trump has officially become the first Trump scion to receive her very own Secret Service detail. While Trump’s elder sons are more than equipped to hunt their own assassins, one Trump child remains notably protection-less. I am, of course, talking about none other than aspiring s...

Donald Trump Is Mad Online
Other than the odd Colin Powell jab or his performative bashing of Mika Brzezinski several weeks ago, Donald Trump has been astonishingly tame this month. But now, it looks like the whirlwind of the past few days has finally taken its toll. My friends—our big angry boy is back....

Donald Trump's Birther PR Stunt Beset By Chaos, Stage Collapse
Earlier today, Donald Trump promised the world a “major announcement” at his brand new, beautiful, luxurious Trump International Hotel in Washington, D.C. That announcement? A lie about Hillary starting the birther movement and a confirmation that the American president was, in fact, born in America...
![There's Actual Hardcore Porn Hiding In iOS 10 [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ochj2ldnzor9mkskixbn.png)
There's Actual Hardcore Porn Hiding In iOS 10 [NSFW]
Last night, we discovered that typing the word “butt” into iOS 10's new, baked-in GIF search leads you to a certain My Little Pony in a fairly compromised position. Apple’s already corrected that particular oversight, but they’re not done yet—because the new Messages app is also hiding actual, very ...

There's <i>My Little Pony </i>Porn Hiding In iOS 10
Did you update your phone to iOS 10 recently? I sure hope not—it’s a goddamn nightmare. But for those of you that didn’t heed my warning, should you decide to search the default (default!) GIF library for the word “butt,” you’ll find a sultry My Little Pony doing what no My Little Pony should ever d...

Don't Update Your Fucking iPhone!
Yesterday, Apple released its latest major software update with iOS 10. As far as I can tell, the iteration exists only to cut my battery life in half, make my Messages app unusable, and trick me into downloading hundreds of cartoon Biebers and one George R. R. Martin. Reader, don’t be like me. Don’...
![Videos Show "Overheated" Hillary Clinton Stumbling As Secret Service Help Her To Car [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/iuzycjqu7nvvllqhzkzw.jpg)
Videos Show "Overheated" Hillary Clinton Stumbling As Secret Service Help Her To Car [Update]
Earlier this morning, at a September 11 memorial service, Hillary Clinton became overheated, according to a statement from her campaign. But as she stumbled in an effort to get into the waiting van, a bystander took a video that will almost certainly fuel the rabid conspiracy theorists for months to...

Clinton Presidential Library Photos Reveal Cozy Relationship Between Bill and Trump
Thanks to a Freedom of Information Act request made by Politico, the Clinton Presidential Library has just released a whole bunch of photos of good pals Donald Trump and Bill Clinton doing what boys do best: Having fun....

Remember When Donald Trump Didn't Know Why There Were 13 Stripes On The American Flag?<em></em>
Back in 2008, Donald Trump was asked to pay a $10,000 fee after he illegally erected a 70-foot flag pole at one of his golf clubs in California. Donald Trump did not want to pay the $10,000 fee. Not because he’s grossly misrepresented his liquid assets, of course, but because the American flag is ab...

Donald Trump's Plan For The Middle East: "Take The Oil"
Tonight, NBC hosted a “Commander-in-Chief Forum,” which consisted of 30 minutes of Hillary Clinton talking about her emails and 30 minutes of Donald Trump declaring his intention to commit war crimes. As far as anything in this election goes, it was a resounding success....

Steve Jobs Loved The Headphone Jack
At approximately 1:00 p.m. today, in the year of our Lord 2016, Tim Cook defiled the memory of the late Steven “Steve” Paul Jobs with an abomination built of space-gray hubris. Today, Tim Cook discarded the iPhone headphone jack. And with that headphone jack, the soul of its creator went, too. ...

Apple Just Fucked Over All the Tech Bloggers
You probably already knew that Apple was announcing a new iPhone today, but did you know that it was planning to livetweet its announcement? And that in doing so, it kind of accidentally fucked over every tech blogger in the country? It’s the best gift Apple could have ever given us. ...

Babies Hate Donald Trump
Donald Trump doesn’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to babies. Which is weird for a man with such a close, natural bond to his own children....

The Most Ludicrous Parts of Breitbart’s Fawning Trump “Exclusive"
Donald Trump toured Detroit with the good doctor Ben Carson this weekend. And in addition to a greater understanding of his son-in-law’s heritage, Trump walked away with his very favorite thing in the world: Press....

Ted Cruz Can't Wait To Watch The Football Men Do Touchpoints In The Grass Zone<em></em>
Can you guess who’s ready for The Big Game?...