billyhaisley Page 27 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Soccer Player Crumples In Shame After Sending Penalty Kick Straight To The Moon
When standing over a late, potentially match-winning penalty against top-of-the-table opposition, as Zwolle captain Bram van Polen found himself in yesterday’s game against AZ Alkmaar, the last thing you want your resulting shot attempt to inspire in the crowd is an immediate wave of shocked horror....
Manchester United Fan Is Fookin' Pissed About Losing The Fookin' Derby
Lest you think Arsenal fans have a monopoly on incensed postgame rants helpfully broadcast on fan-driven Youtube channels, here is a completely apoplectic Manchester United supporter doing his best Troopz impression right after the derby loss. Could’ve used a few more “bloods” and “fams,” but very s...
Deadspin Up All Night: It Won't Let Go
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Sadio Mané Really Fucked Up
Sadio Mané isn’t the sole reason Liverpool failed to beat Everton in a match they completely controlled everywhere except on the scoresheet. You could and probably should blame the referee for awarding Everton an exceptionally soft penalty from which the Toffees scored their only good chance of the ...
They Should Probably Just Give Manchester City The Premier League Title Already
The best big games are clarifying. They’re matches in which the enormity of the moment can turn anyone watching into a fidgeting mess, and in which both teams are given the opportunity to match the game’s magnitude with a peak performance. The moment elevates the performances rather than engulfs it,...
The Champions League Round Of 16 Draw Is So Good
After yet another predictable Champions League group stage, we now get to the good stuff with the start of the knockout rounds. And this year’s Round of 16 looks like it will be great. Just look at these tantalizing matchups:...
Ugly Soccer Match Becomes Much Better After Dog Invades The Pitch
Macedonian club Vardar hosted Norway’s Rosenborg in blah blah blah oh wow, look at this cute doggy that interrupted the game!...
Liverpool's Attack Is Absolutely Terrifying
Spartak Moscow’s Aleksandr Selikhov isn’t the only keeper who, in the midst of a match against Liverpool, after seeing the ball fly past him for the first or third or fifth time of the day, has found himself sitting there on his haunches in dejection, praying that it had all been some terrible dream...
Cristiano Ronaldo May Be Butt In La Liga, But He's Still Good In The Champions League
Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo ranks second in La Liga in shots taken per 90 minutes. Ahead of him is some dude named Andrew Hjulsager, who has made two substitute appearances for Celta Vigo. In that time Hjulsager has amassed 12 minutes and fired off a single shot, giving him a 7.5 shots-p...
Crazy Russian Lady Slaps Carles Puyol In Face With Big Ol' Dildo
Retired Barcelona legend Carles Puyol expected to fiddle around with an assortment of (plastic) balls when he participated in last week’s World Cup group draw in host country Russia. But what he could not have expected was being accosted by a lady telling him “I want to fuck you, I have so big dick,...
Sunderland Fan Explains That He Did Not Drunkenly Shit In His Stadium Seat
Social media was abuzz this weekend with a video depicting a baby-faced Sunderland fan sitting alongside his fellow supporters at the Stadium of Light, taking in the day’s match while also appearing to take a pleasant shit right there on his seat. The kid, later revealed to be 17-year-old Callum Maw...
Deadspin Up All Night: Maybe We'll Be Butterflies
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Praise Soccer Jesus: Sunil Gulati Will Not Run For Re-Election As U.S. Soccer President
Sunil Gulati, the U.S. Soccer Federation’s president for the last 12 years and the man who presided over the worst debacle in American soccer history, has told ESPN that he will not seek to retain his position in February’s election. This is good news!...
David de Gea Beat Arsenal All By Himself
Manchester United beat Arsenal this weekend by a 3-1 scoreline that totally belied the action on the field. United didn’t really deserve to win, in the sense people mean when they say teams that impose their will on their opponent by doing lots of good things while preventing the opposition from doi...
Here Are The Groups For The 2018 World Cup
It’s been three and a half years since the last World Cup, and after a long wait we’re tantalizingly close. Now we have something real to look at until the summer after the teams that made the tournament were drawn into their groups today:...
Deadspin Up All Night: Smile Through The Shit
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Deadspin Up All Night: On Some Foul And Proud Shit
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Miami's Return To Greatness Stalls With Upset Loss To Pitt
“The ‘Canes are back, baby!” many an optimistic Miami fan has hollered this season, unchastened by the countless times over the years they’ve chanted this refrain without it actually coming true, and unconcerned about the fact that few non-Floridians under the age of 30 have any first-hand knowledge...
Roberto Firmino's No-Look Goal Is Cold As Hell
Now this is just about as cheeky as it gets:...
Oumar Niasse Hit With Bullshit Diving Charge
Oumar Niasse, Everton’s likable striker who’s gone from sad to soaring in a year’s time, won a critical penalty for his team in their 2-2 draw to Crystal Palace this weekend. Today, the F.A. made him the first Premier League player to be charged under their new retroactive diving ban protocol. Which...