dashiell-bennett-old Page 23 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Is Wrong With Our Fragile NFL Kickers?
There is an excellent chance that one of the two monumental playoff games this Sunday will hinge on a crucial field goal attempt—and an even better chance that whoever is asked to kick it will miss....
Today's Phrase That Pays: "Hockey Taliban"
Comparing overly loyal hockey fans to vile religious dictators should probably not cause any problems for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's Bob Smizik. Seriously, those people are capable of anything! (Hockey fans, I mean.) [Post-Gazette; guy who is not Taliban via]...
Last Night's Winner: Anti-Tobacco Activists
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like people who can't decide which Durham-area basketball team they hate more. The Tar Heels or the Dukies? Now it's easier than ever to do both!...
Wheelchair Lady, Off-Duty Cop Took Down Loud Jets Fan
The unruly Jets fan who was hauled out of Qualcomm Stadium in chains has come forward and the San Diego PD has been shamed into a response by anonymous websites. Was he railroaded or did he get what he deserved?...
Whites-Only Basketball League Swears It's Not Racist
A Georgia man is forming a whites-only pro basketball league "due to the proliferation of non-organized play." (i.e., "brown guys.") The Augusta Chronicle promises it's not a hoax, because pro wrestling promoters named "Moose" are very trustworthy....
The Best Place To Get In A Bar Fight This Sunday
When Viking fans in New York City want to watch Vikings games, they go to a place called Bar None. When Saints fans in New York City want to watch Saints games, they go to the exact same bar. Uh-oh....
Northwestern Fan Explains Tiger's Masturbatory Lockdown To America
In a bizarre twist, Deadspin's Northwestern University Basketball Columnist Benoit Denizet-Lewis has become the go-to guy for Tiger Woods sex rehab details and this morning's SportsCenter prevailed upon him to break it down for their viewers. Today's lesson: celibacy contracts....
Last Night's Winner: Massholes
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Curt Schilling's boy toy, Scott Brown, who posthumously kicked Ted Kennedy's health care loving butt. This is exactly like the American Revolution, but more annoying....
Mississippi State Recruits Enjoy Ponies And/Or Strippers
It seems that quite a few high school football recruits made their campus visit to Mississippi State this weekend and a few mentioned enjoying something called "THE PONY." You don't think they're talking about Starkville's greatest strip club, do you?...
One-Fourth Of Lane Kiffin Rumor Turns Out To Be True
A Knoxville Lexus dealer confirms that a car they leased to Kiffin through the university was involved in an accident at some point in the past. Feel free to jump to whatever conclusions you deem appropriate. [WVLT]...
Terrorists Hope To Win Olympic Gold ... For Your Murder
This is an actual headline on ABCNews.com right now: ""Headed to Olympics? Beware of Terror Attacks." So enjoy the bobsled everyone ... because it will be your last!...
We Don't Play Australian Open Tennis In Your Toilet, So Please Don't Pee On Our Court
An Australian Open match was delayed by 40 minutes today when a (nervous? sick?) ballboy peed himself on the court. At least he has a long fruitful life of intense psychological therapy ahead of him. [The Age/Fanhouse]...
Last Night's Winner: Non-Number One Teams
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Kentucky, who will soon be number one thanks to Kansas State, who took care of the last number one. Everyone comes out ahead! (Except Texas.)...
That's Got To Be At Least A Yellow Card
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Nate Kaeding Suicide Joke Watch
Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to commit suicide last night, but was unsuccessful because he's terrible at kicking footballs? Yes, San Diego's kicker is not a beloved man right now....unless you love terrible internet jokes. Then he's a godsend!...
Only Starbury Can Go To China
The 32-year-old Stephon Marbury just a signed a contract with Shanxi Club of the Chinese Basketball Association. Communism has officially lost. [Reuters/NY Post/FanHouse]...
Canadian Junior Captain Leads Nation In Vicious Elbows To The Face
Cormier, who plays in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, had just made a line change during overtime against the Quebec Ramparts, when he skated past defenseman Mikael Tam and clipped him in the head with a high elbow. Tam went down like a rock and was convulsing on the ice before being hurried ...
Jets Fan Arrested For Liking Jets Too Much?
This overenthusiastic Jets fans was hauled out of Qualcomm Stadium yesterday for ...? We're not exactly sure, but when even the Chargers fans are defending his incessant hooting, you know something's fishy....
Alaskan Hockey Space Bear Is Back To Tear You A Brand New One
Who knows what terrible sin humanity committed against the Alaska Nanook, but that bear is irate. Okay, maybe we shouldn't have frozen him in the Arctic, but is that any excuse to destroy Planet Earth with a kick-ass '80s soundtrack?...
The Jets Win The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the New York Jets, who somehow keep winning games they shouldn't even be playing in. How are they not blowing it?...