dashiell-bennett-old Page 29 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tiger's Latest Mistress: A Doping Scandal
Because Tiger Woods doesn't have enough problems right now, being embroiled in a drug investigation should liven things up a bit. At least he should be used to the innuendo, speculation, and snickering taunts by now....
Last Night's Winner: This Guy?
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like this Mozambique soccer fan, who is thrilled....I guess? He's either elated or just got hit with a cattle prod. It could go either way....
South Florida Coach Allegedly Slapped Player
According to a report on Fanhouse, South Florida football coach Jim Leavitt decided to pepper a recent halftime speech with a little choking and a few well placed shots to the face. Hey, they did win the game....
3-D Broadcast Fails To Win Over Crowd At Actual 3-D Game
Yesterday, in a stupendous moment of technological flimflammery, the infamously large HDTV that hangs over the field at Cowboys Stadium broadcast stunning 3-D images to the crowd....of the live three-dimensional football game taking place directly below it....
Missouri Basketball Players (Who Are Women) Beat Up Cheerleader (Who Isn't)
Much like their Kansas brethren, Missouri's athletic department is being torn asunder by intra-sports team strife. Only it's not the teams you usually expect, since we're talking about women's basketball and cheerleading. These kids do not compromise....
Randy Moss Wins the Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Randy Moss, who won the weekend by letting his teammates do the heavy lifting for him. Why should he put himself out?...
Wait Till He Finds Out About Mark Ingram
I have no explanation for this picture, but still ... what a gambler!...
I Saw Mommy Kissing Nightmare Ant
Sure, it's a little early—unless you're Jewish—but everyone's favorite NBADL mascot would like to wish you a happy and healthy Non-Denominational Holiday Time ... with visions of unspeakable horror dancing in your heads....
All College Football Games To Be Settled By White Rapper Battles (Update!)
Not to be outdone by the only two guys in Iowa who listen to rap music, Georgia Tech fans would like to remind you about their opponents in the Orange Bowl of Awkward "Hip Hop" Videos, The GTGs. Lose yourself.......
Roller Derby Twins Make Good
That's odd. ESPN's Page 2 has a story from a blonde girl who lives with her twin sister in New York City and tried out for the local roller derby ... heyyyyyyy, wait a second.......
Bearcats Bid Un-Emotional Goodbye to Brian Kelly
Brian Kelly said farewell to his Cincinnati charges last night and many responded by kindly asking their ex-coach to mind both the door and the area where the Good Lord split him as he makes his way through it....
Last Night's Winner: Pirates Fans
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Pittsburgh's baseball fans, who don't have to be alone anymore. Cheering for championships are overrated anyway!...
Notre Dame Gets Its Angry, Egotistical Man
The South Bend Tribune is reporting that after an earlier feint toward UConn, Notre Dame has made its decision and Cincinnati's Brian Kelly will take the reigns in South Bend. But is he a big enough jerk?...
Sacramento Kings Solve All Their Woes With Dollar Beer Night
The Sacramento NBA team will be appearing on ESPN (national television!) for the first time in two years next week, and they want to make their return extra-super special. How to do that? A packed house of stone cold drunks....
On Baxter! On Keaton! On Ridge, Ronjohn and Blaise!
Because it's shaping up to be that kind of day....let's mock some prep school kids. Inside Lacrosse presents its All-Name Team. Apparently, someone actually named their son Remington Steele. A lot of Stephanie Zimbalist fans out there, I guess....
BREAKING: Barry Bonds Doesn't Play Baseball Anymore
A shocking Deadspin investigation has revealed that despite frequent mentions in the national media and his ubiquitous presence in any discussion about baseball and its steroid policies, Barry Bonds is not actually a Major League Baseball player anymore....
Last Night's Winner: Mack Brown
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Texas coach Mack Brown, who is about to get seriously paid. This is what is known as "striking while the iron is hot."...
Deep Inside The Comcast/TV Guide Sports Listing Conspiracy
I've been hard on Comcast, because well....they're an evil cable company and they deserve it. But we're received a flood of emails proving that the wacky game descriptions we've been spotting are not their fault. It's like a peeling onion....
A Brief History Of Campus Recruiting Hostesses
We hope you didn't get the impression that Tennessee is the only school to use attractive young ladies as bait to lure prospective athletes, because it's actually a college football tradition as revered as marching bands and beer bongs....
Comcast Writers Not Even Trying Anymore
Comcast's television guide writers have taken a new approach to crafting their NBA game descriptions. Simply throw at a dart at the team rosters and whatever name you hit becomes the star of the game....