dashiell-bennett-old Page 60 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It Might Be Time For ESPN To Update Its Sidebar
The schedule is out, so it's time to gear up for the NBA season ... in 2006, apparently. Hey ESPN, would you like us to hold Seattle down while you twist its nipple and take its lunch money? [ESPN]...
Alexander Ovechkin Is Here To Do Two Things: Play Hockey And Sex Your Women
And hockey season is over. Russia Today gets to the bottom Alex Ovechkin's life, complete with helpful on-screen guides. Revelations: He's ugly, sadness makes him cry, and sex is good. You're welcome. [Puck Duddy]...
Terrible Ratings Won't Stop Onslaught Of Sports Reality Shows
There have been a lot of sports-themed reality shows on TV lately—Superstars, Fourth and Long, The T.O. Show, etc.—and they all have two things in common. They are terrible and people hate them. So let's greenlight some more!...
"Assault In The Ring" Reminds You To Hate Boxing Forever
You may have already seen the HBO documentary "Assault In The Ring," but if you haven't yet, put it on your to-do list. Just in case you've forgotten that boxing is filled, top to bottom, with unbelievable scumbags....
Fart-Gate Officially The Dumbest Sports "Scandal" Of The Year
So this is actually a thing now? Several major media outlets devoted real newsprint to the mysterious case of Tiger Woods’ non-flatulence. Lawyers got involved. Official statements have been issued. Answers have been demanded. How did this come to be?...
Arena Football Will Not Come Back To You
The president of the Tampa Bay Storm announced (via Facebook) that the AFL "will not be returning." Probably ever. Surprisingly, not playing the 2009 season didn't help to turn things around! Does this mean they file for Chapter 5.5 bankruptcy?...
Plaxico Burress Indicted, Antonio Pierce Isn't
File this under things we would have posted yesterday, if we could have. There's a very high probability that Plaxico Burress is going to jail for accidentally shooting himself in the leg. [NYTimes]...
Our Tech Team Is Victorious Once Again
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Drug Dealing The Only Way To Keep Young Athletes Off The Street
Two Tampa men have devoted their lives to helping young athletes stay in school and stay off the streets. But when the money they used to support those kids dried up, they did the only sensible thing....they started slinging coke....
Michigan Sports Hall Of Fame Is Sad Metaphor For Entire State
The Michigan Sports Hall of Fame is $150,000 in debt, even thought it has no employees and doesn't pay rent. Now they want to sell the plaques to raise money, which sort of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?...
Penguins Fans Crashes Stanley Cup Celebration
Have you ever dreamed of being on the ice with your favorite team as they hoist Stanley Cup, then heading back to the locker room for a champagne bath with your heroes? Go ahead! NHL security obviously won't stop you....
LenDale White's Revolutionary "No Tequila" Diet
Football fans have been marveling at the transformation of Titans' running back LenDale White, who has trimmed his previous bowling ball-like physique down to a svelte 228-pound Mack Truck. So how did he do it? By not eating worms, obviously....
The Legend Of Green Man
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
MORE BREAKING: Blogger Has Crush On Tim Tebow
This day was chock full of Tebow news, huh? Some of it was even covered on the definitive internet address for Tebowniacs, TimTeblog.com. I'll give you one guess who is behind TimTeblog and his name rhymes with Shan Danoff....
MLB Deadline Deals: Everyone Must Go
Victor Martinez to Boston, Peavy to White Sox (coughshoulderinjurycough) Washburn to Tigers (huzzah!), Orlando Cabrera to Minnesota, Scott Rolen to the Reds for some unknown reason, and Roy Halladay isn't going anywhere. Was it good for you too? [MLB.com]...
<i>NCAA Football 10</i> More Time Consuming Than Actually Being In College
Did you pick up EA's new college football game? Of course not. You wouldn't be reading this right now if you had. You'd be so busy designing high school uniforms for your virtual doppelganger that you'd probably forget to eat....
American Sports Need More PowerPoint Presentations
Michael Owen—remember the "Michael Jordan of soccer" talk?—put together a 32-page brochure about his accomplishments and handsomeness to try and convince teams to give him a contract. Nothing says "dangerous goal scorer" quite like bar graphs! [DailyMirror/Decleater]...
No One Is Buying The Arturo Gatti Suicide Story
Fight promoter Lou DiBella got a standing ovation at a memorial service when he said, "God knows that Arturo Gatti never quit in his life. Arturo Gatti did not quit in Brazil." Now that's how you work a crowd....
BREAKING: The Only Thing Not Perfect About Tim Tebow Is His Vision
The Tebow is nearsighted. He just got glasses before the ESPYs, but does not wear (or were) them during the football. No contacts, either. Yet, somehow he throws many, many touchdowns! HOW DOES HE DO IT? [Gainesville Sun]...
Curt Schilling Talks To Curt Schilling About David Ortiz
Nothing really happens to the Red Sox until Curt Schilling says it happens, so the pitching maestro sat down with himself for an informative Q & A about how the David Ortiz situation affects Curt Schilling....