dashiell-bennett-old Page 62 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arena Football Team Bounced From Playoffs Due To Bounced Check
The Albany Firebirds make the AFL2 playoffs after the actual No. 8 seed, Florida Firecats, are disqualified because they owe the league $200,000. I guess Arena Football teams are not exactly cash cows. Sorry....firecows. [Times-Union]...
Aaron Ward Jinxes Himself Out Of Winter Classic
On July 16, Boston's Aaron Ward was asked about his team getting to play in the Winter Classic. His response: "Don't jinx me yet. I could always be traded." Nine days later, he was traded to Carolina. [National Post/CBC/Bruins Blog]...
Michael Vick Is Back In Business (Sorta)
NFL.com just posted this cryptic statement: "The NFL has reinstated Michael Vick on a conditional basis. The former Falcons QB will be considered for full reinstatement and to play in regular-season games by Week 6." Um. Okay?...
Mets' Street-Fighting VP Gets Fired
Vice-president for player development Tony Bernazard has been let go by the New York Mets. Apparently, he's a bit of a hothead! [ESPN]...
Canadian Open Features Nothing But Holes-In-One
Here is Leif Olson making both the greatest golf shot ever and the greatest billiards shot ever at the same time. Of course, when three others have already aced the same hole, you gotta step it up a notch....
Swimming Records Made To Never Be Broken
Exotic fancypants swimsuits bestow ridiculous Aquaman-like qualities on anyone who wears one, which is why swimming officials have officially banned the suits—right after every record in the books is shattered beyond repair....
Hank Aaron's Convoluted Logic Could Put Pete Rose In The Hall Of Fame
Reports from baseball's Hall of Fame weekend say that Bud Selig is considering the possible reinstatement of Pete Rose, thanks in part to lobbying from current Hall members—i.e., arrogant and confused old men....
Plaxico Burress Should Get Used To Confined Spaces
Manhattan's District Attorney says any plea deal with Plaxico Burress (remember that hilarious gun accident?) will involve jail time. (And Antonio Pierce isn't off the hook either.) It's almost like they're mad at him for breaking the law! [NY Post]...
Suddenly, Everyone Cares About Delaware Again
The NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB and NCAA—what no UFL?—have joined forces to sue Delaware in the hopes of stopping their new state gambling law. Delaware can't have this one thing? They don't ask for much! [ESPN/USA Today]...
Steve Spurrier Apologizes For Not Genuflecting To The Tebow
SEC coaches and journalists spent maybe six hours of the conference's three-day media tugjob fretting over the vicious bastard who didn't pick Tim Tebow as No. 1 Super QB of the year. All because Steve Spurrier can't read....
Japanese Baseball Robots Already Elected To The Hall Of Fame
Japanese nerds have invented baseball-playing robots with talent far exceeding our own Major League all-stars and they don't require Gatorade or HGH. Well, I guess that's it. We had a great ride, humanity, but our time has passed....
You Are Sort Of There For Buehrle's Perfect Game
An unemployed blogger provides an on-the-scene report from Mark Buehrle's perfect game. Well, as on-the-scene as you can get from the top of the bleachers. [Tremendous Upside Potential]...
It Was A Rough Week For ESPN
ESPN's newest ombudsman hasn't even started yet, but he will have plenty of fodder for his first column after a tumultuous week that has seen the entertainment and sports juggernaut besieged from all sides. (Yes, including ours.)...
The Catch That Saved Mark Buehrle's Perfect Game
DeWayne Wise—a ninth-inning defensive replacement—robs Gabe Kapler of a home run (nearly dropping the ball in the process) and saving the day for pitcher Mark Buehrle. That's what we in the business call "clutch." [Video via Comcast]...
Ben Roethlisberger's Full Statement About The Sexual Assault Lawsuit
A defiant Big Ben denies "reckless" and "outrageous" allegations of sexual assault, doesn't take media questions, and says he will only address this in the "appropriate forum." (Respect the legal process! Truth prevails!) It's gonna be a long year. [WTAE/ESPN]...
What Did Jim Parque Do Wrong Again?
Former White Sox pitcher Jim Parque has a very lengthy mea culpa in the Chicago Sun-Times today, apologizing to his teammates, family, the entire sporting world, several deities, and his barber, because he took HGH for a month in 2003....
Alex Rodriguez Learns Painful Lesson About Lending Out Your Car
A-Rod gave the keys to his Suburban to lady friend Kate Hudson and then her lady friend promptly smashed the hell out of it. Now he'll have to throw it away and buy a new one! [Celebrity-Gossip]...
<i>New York Post</i>: ESPN Made Us Exploit Naked Lady
The New York Post is taking their ESPN: The Banning like men. Men who use the gossip pages to settle grudges and blame everyone else for their obsession with naked sideline reporters....
Red Sox Trading For Players They Don't Even Want
The Red Sox, in full panic mode and mistakenly believing they were allowed a 45-man roster, are now collecting baseball players the way most people collect baseball cards: They don't have the space or use for them....