Red Sox Trading For Players They Don't Even Want

The Red Sox, in full panic mode and mistakenly believing they were allowed a 45-man roster, are now collecting baseball players the way most people collect baseball cards: They don't have the space or use for them.

The latest utility man to be folded into Theo Epstein's spokes is dry humping enthusiast Chris Duncan, who the Sox acquired from St. Louis for Julio "Hands of Stone" Lugo and then promptly shipped off to AAA Pawtucket. That should end that five-game losing streak! In addition, they took Adam LaRoche off the hands of Pittsburgh, even though Boston already has an All-Star at his primary position. You know just in case someone needs a breather. Must be nice for them, as my mom might say.

And the poor Pirates. This is the fifth regular starter they've traded in the last year and their double play combo of Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez is not far behind. Do they even qualify as a baseball team anymore? They only exist to fill in as the rainy-day backup plan for real teams that are actually trying to win. They should either be disbanded or sold to Mark Cuban, because I'm not sure how much self-destruction one fan base can take.

Oh, wait. They still have the Steelers and Penguins. So screw them.

Cardinals add depth in trade for Lugo [MLB] No LaRoche without Youkilis [Boston Globe] LaRoche leaves as conflicted as his performance [Post-Gazette]