dashiell-bennett-old Page 67 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Phelps Makes America Safe For Weed
Congratulations, dope heads! Your groovy hero has bonged his way into America's heart and now you're free to toke up wherever and whenever you see fit. Enjoy your reefer, hippies, and be sure to thank Michael Phelps when you do....
Lance Armstrong Can't Not Be The Top Dog
Lance Armstrong said he just wanted to get some exercise and maybe promote his wristbands, because after four years off, expecting him to win the Tour de France would just be silly. What's that? He's in first place now? Lovely....
Cristiano Ronaldo Stars In World's Largest Press Conference
Almost 80,000 people showed up at Real Madrid's stadium last night just to watch Cristiano Ronaldo try on a shirt. I'm starting to suspect that you don't love your favorite team enough....
Shady Tennis Player Dies Shady Death
Mathieu Montcourt's five-week suspension for betting on tennis matches began on Monday—the same day he was found dead in a stairwell under totally non-suspicious circumstances. (Police don't suspect foul play, believe it or not.) He was 24. [AFP]...
What Is Wrong With Our Fragile Baseball Players? (MRI Edition)
As anyone who plays fantasy baseball can tell you, injuries are killing your team. Baseball players spend more time on the DL than ever before, which probably says something about the times we live in. (It means you're weak.)...
Phil Mickelson's Mother Also Has Cancer
Less than two months after discovering that his wife has breast cancer, Phil Mickelson's mother has been diagnosed with the same disease. Man, this guy has had some rotten luck this year. [San Diego Union-Tribune]...
Caleb Campbell Gives Bobsledding A Shot
Remember Caleb Campbell—the former Army Cadet who was drafted by, but not allowed to play for, the Detroit Lions? Boy, did that guy dodge a bullet! Okay, maybe that was a bad metaphor....
Steve McNair's "Girlfriend" Bought A Gun
The latest tidbit of news on the Steve McNair investigation: Reports are now saying that Sahel Kazemi allegedly bought a gun just days before she and the former quarterback were found dead. That's probably not a coincidence....
Long Snapper Pays Price For Saints' Poor Investment Decisions
Kevin Houser has played in every Saints game since 2000—only hiking the ball on kicks, but still—yet he was abruptly cut last week for no apparent reason. Unless you count failed investments that cost his teammates $2 million....
Boston Celtics Ramp Up Their "Get Older" Strategy
Calm and rational Rasheed Wallace has agreed to play for the Celtics for two years. Next on the shopping list: Grant Hill. (Seriously.) Because the problem with their 2009 team was obviously not enough injury/character questions. [Boston Herald]...
Minor League Promotion Violates Human Rights Laws, Constitution
It's a remarkable world we live in when a promotion meant to celebrate women can get written up as a violation of human rights laws. I hope Amnesty International doesn't have to be called for the next Free Bat Night....
Bill Plaschke's Unhealthy Manny Obsession
Professional grumpypants Bill Plaschke really hates Manny Ramirez. In fact, the only thing he hates more than Manny is people who refuse to hate Manny as much as he does. Why can't they see what Bill Plaschke sees?...
Artest and Kobe Do Their Best Work In The Shower
So how did trash-talking malcontent Ron Artest end up playing alongside "hated rival" Kobe Bryant in Los Angeles? It all started with a fateful shower stall run-in two years ago:...
Jack Clark: Still Hating On The Mets
Back in the days of the old National League East, it was the St. Louis Cardinals that declared themselves mortal enemies of the New York Mets. But even time and realignment can't stop Jack Clark from holding a grudge....
Chicago Blackhawks To Lose The Next 12 Stanley Cup Finals
Marian Hossa (who is 30) just signed a 12-year contract with the Chicago Blackhawks, after allegedly turning down a 10-year deal from the Red Wings. This guy really knows how not to pick 'em. [NHL.com]...
Deadspin Classic: Kobe Doin' <i>What?</i>
In an alternate universe, Deadspin's archives would cover the whole scope of human history. Occasionally, we like to revisit those timeless moments that we would have written about, if only we could have. Today: Kobe Bryant's Colorado Adventure....
Wardrobe Malfunction Costs Swimmer Race, A Little Bit Of Dignity
Italian Olympian Flavia Zoccari was disqualified from a race yesterday after her swimsuit literally tore her a new butthole. That's not going to sit well back home, but hopefully it will all work out in the end. [DailyMail, via Slanch]...
Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa Rise From The Dead
ABC made a mistake when they somehow let the onlymost marketable face on their game show get booted off in the first week. Well, thanks to the magic of television that's all a distant memory!...
Soderbergh's <i>Moneyball</i> Script Too Real To Get Made
The Sony Pictures executive who pulled the plug on Moneyball says that Steven Soderbergh changed the original script because he didn't want anything in the movie that didn't actually happen. So Billy Beane isn't a sweaty, foul-mouthed, Hooters waitress slayer?...
Henry Family Reminds Everyone Who's The Boss
Carl Henry was not happy about that article that seemed to suggest he was a arrogant basketball father on a power trip, so he responded in the only way that made sense—by pulling an arrogant power trip....