david-roth Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
President Of The United States, Weirdly: "Roll Tide"
It’s hard to believe, but it’s true—Donald Trump has only been President of the United States for 13 years. The time has gone by so quickly, one day screaming incoherently into the next over and over and faster and faster, and yet it has also somehow been the same endless shitty/terrifying Tuesday f...
Windswept Honey Bun Boards Presidential Aircraft
President Donald Trump’s workday on Thursday included two actual things. That day officially began at 11 a.m., per his public schedule, when Trump received his daily intelligence briefing. There’s no telling how long this takes, as Trump famously likes his briefings short and colorful and chart-base...
Is Donald Trump Really "The Michael Jordan Of Political Nicknames?"
Chris Cillizza’s job isn’t as easy as it seems, although it also isn’t nearly difficult enough to justify the salary he receives for doing it. What that job is even supposed to be is kind of a moving target, to be honest, but much of what Cillizza does in his current position as a political reporter...
This Is "This Is March": Unpacking College Basketball's Most Uncanny Twitter Account
Jon Rothstein is a real person. He was born in a town at the very outermost edge of what could be called exurban New York City and has covered sports for a living virtually from the moment he graduated from Ithaca College. Rothstein won a Dream Job contest at New York’s ESPN sports radio station, 10...
The True Story Of The Rickey Henderson Oakland Party Basement
There is no unpleasantness quite like a bad landlord. All anyone really wants from an apartment is that it do what it is supposed to do—that the stove gets hot without bursting into flames, that the doors and windows stay closed when closed and open as required, that the pipes remain intact and that...
Let's Remember Some Guys: 1992 Baseball Guys
Thomas Pynchon’s The Crying Of Lot 49 is not as long or as dense or as otherwise inaccessible as the novels that make up the fat part of his canon. It’s the one you read if you didn’t quite feel like committing to V or Gravity’s Rainbow, and it’s the one a savvy professor would assign in a college l...
Let's Remember Some Guys: 1990 Baseball Guys
The act of Remembering Some Guys, as depicted in the Let’s Remember Some Guys video series and as it is lived around the world, is an inherently social experience. It is of course possible to Remember Guys on your own; if you see me on the subway wearing a faraway look and a faint grin, there is a d...
Bruce Weber Is The Happiest Lad
When we talk about college basketball coaching fashion, we are generally talking about one of two things. There are the true pioneers, the men who coach in fireproof pajamas or Clothes They Bought At The Airport; we can call these aficionados of moisture-wicking fabrics the Huggins Faction, and we s...
Ronald Acuña's Stupid Demotion And The Things We Don't Even Notice Anymore
Let’s do the first things first: barring catastrophic injury or equally catastrophic organizational cynicism, Ronald Acuña will be playing left field for the Atlanta Braves sometime fairly soon. This is because Ronald Acuña, who is the consensus top positional prospect in the minors, looks for all t...
Bob Huggins Met Dan D'Antoni In A Battle For The Future Of Men's Fashion
West Virginia Governor Jim Justice appeared at Sunday night’s NCAA Tournament game between West Virginia and Marshall wearing a suit that was both deeply and intentionally unfortunate. Justice is a Marshall University graduate—his wife and daughter are, as well—and, if you’re just joining us, a West...
Where Is Donald Trump Even Getting This Shit?
There is the version of Donald Trump that everyone gets served, and it is an extremely luxurious experience—a thick and luridly salty braise of all-beef bombast served smothered in a chunky and flavorless dressing that looks like ranch but tastes like vinegar and forgetfulness. It is fatty and extre...
Look Into The Face Of March Madness's Cruelest Mascot
Last Friday evening, while covering the Big East Tournament, CBS Sports reporter Matt Norlander tweeted an image of the Providence Friars mascot looming creepily on the block at Madison Square Garden. It was an innocuous tweet, in its way, but also it was not....
What A Depressing Offseason
The caveats are caveats, but they do exist. Mike Moustakas is not a superstar, for reasons that are easy enough to identify. He has mostly been a decent defender at an important position, but his defense was unexpectedly and undeniably poor last year; he is a good hitter with real power, but not an ...
President Trump Graciously Accepts Credit For Saving The Winter Olympics
Those anxious weeks and months leading up to the Pyeongchang Olympics seem so long ago, now. With the games themselves just recently in the past, it’s easy to forget the questions that so defined those days. In bars and around water coolers, out loud to friends and family and in an echoing loop in o...
It's 2018 And Emeka Okafor Is Playing In The NBA
The last time Emeka Okafor appeared on Deadspin as a NBA player, he was being escorted off a ride at Six Flags America in Maryland because he was too tall. He had turned 30 a little over a month earlier, and was at that time the starting center on a deeply bleak 29-win Washington Wizards team that a...
These Dudes Have Recorded A Rap Tribute To The NBA All-Stars For 13 Straight Years
The important thing to bear in mind when assessing anything that happened in 1989 is that, from the perspective of 2018, the thing being assessed happened in a different world. That world still had people in it, which meant it had about equal amounts of vicious awful dumbassery and goofball beauty, ...
The Market Has Come To The Mets, And That's Bad
No one but the 100 or so unemployed baseball players invited to attend was admitted to the shadow spring training that the MLB Players Association opened at Bradenton, Fla.’s IMG Academy on Wednesday. The press was banned from the facility, and reporters who tried to get in were turned away; at lea...
The Only Thing That Works About The NFL Is Football
My friend tackled Shaun Alexander. Not recently, I should note. This was years ago, and years before the brief period during which Alexander was the best running back on earth. Alexander led the league in rushing in 2005 and was voted NFL MVP by the Associated Press, and then was out of the league ...
Ovoid Pastry Creature Boards Airplane
Donald Trump, president of the United States, boards Air Force One en route to the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, where he plans to tell leaders from around the world a rambling and unconvincing story involving former Night Court star Markie Post....
The Hot Stove And The Triumph Of Shamelessness
Broadly speaking, America has never been great on shame. Pride has always been a strong suit, and fucking things up in shameful and improbable ways was the national pastime long before a more racist version of Slimer from Ghostbusters got elected president, but shame just sort of never caught on her...