drewmagary Page 11 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
LeBronWatch: My SUPER CREDIBLE SOURCES Say He’s Going To L.A.
Are you ready for breaking LeBron Watch news that will absolutely BLOW YOUR NUTS OFF UNLESS YOU HAVE ALREADY WISELY FIGURED OUT THAT THINGS WERE ALREADY HEADED THIS WAY? Good, because I have such news. Now listen, I know my track record predicting things is, uh, not exactly sterling here. But tonigh...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Transformers Prime</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours....
The Bucs Did This To Themselves
Jameis Winston is about to be suspended by the NFL for groping an Uber driver while waiting for food at a Mexican drive-thru. And it’s a very NFL thing that the three-game suspension initially reported by Adam Schefter isn’t necessarily a gimme, because NFL officials have yet to finish inputting all...
58 Future Jason Bateman Films
Today we read the following story of how the Jason Bateman vehicle Game Night came to pass. ...
Russia Is The Highest Scoring Team In The World Cup. INVESTIGATE?!
Yesterday Russia beat Egypt 3-1, and have now formally clinched a spot in the Round of 16 thanks to Uruguay’s victory earlier today. In fact, out of all the teams in this World Cup, it is the host country of Russia—ranked 70th overall by FIFA, behind the likes of Guinea, the Cape Verde Islands, and ...
Never Take Your Kids To A Championship Parade<em></em>
I was not born or raised in the D.C. area but all of my children were, and so I felt it was my solemn duty as a Good Sports Dad to take them downtown for the Capitals’ Stanley Cup parade, the first major title parade to take place here in nearly three decades. This was a celebration that was unprece...
An Extremely Mild And Pointless Defense Of Raisins<em></em>
Your letters:...
So Much Cool: My Night Among Joyous And Drunken Caps Fans<em></em>
Tomorrow is a bigass waste of time. I am a grown adult, which means that the majority of my decisions are based around tomorrow. I save money. I go to bed at a reasonable hour. I don’t do crack. Tomorrow dictates a great deal of my actions, which is a shame because today is RIGHT HERE to be celebrat...
I’ve Had It Up To Here With Solemn Musical Sequences On TV<em></em>
The Americans had its series finale least week and if you’re worried about me spoiling the end for you, please have no fear. I’m not here to shatter your dreams or point out continuity errors. So, without giving any particulars away, I thought the finale was a perfectly fine ending to a well-done se...
And Now, Your Wildest-Ass Stories About Getting Into A Fight
When I was in middle school my class went on an overnight trip to Spanish camp, which I remember vividly for two reasons. First off, I farted so loud in the cabin one night that one of the counselors woke up and yelled at me for farting so loud. Secondly, I got into a fight. Now I use the word “figh...
Fire Mark Jackson<em></em>
Oh, hello again. Yes, I have returned from my book-writing sabbatical—venturing to the Yukon, wrestling wild salmon, scribbling long paragraphs about the FATE OF MAN on the back of aged moosehide—and am ready to rejoin you, my dearest online friends, once more. I feel refreshed and revigored, if suc...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Mighty Morphin Power Rangers</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke....
God Help Me, I'm Addicted To The NFL's Brilliant Horseshit<em></em>
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Marvel Vs. Star Wars: WHO YA GOT???!!?!?!?!
The new Avengers movie drops tonight and so, bereft of better ideas, we thought now would be a good time to kick up a needless fanboy argument and ask: Do you prefer the Star Wars movies, or the Marvel MCU movies? Which one has your childhood stored in a crystal locket, soon to be crushed by an inco...
Do You Look At The Keyboard When You Type?<em></em>
Before we get into this week’s Funbag, I have a highly irritating announcement, which is that I’m gonna take a sabbatical in May. Actually, I was quietly suspended by corporate for pouring a bucket of live carpenter bees down Burneko’s chimney, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that I’...
Various Trader Joe’s Foodstuffs, Ranked<em></em>
(NOTE: Beer and wine not included.)...
I’m Getting Pretty Fed The Fuck Up With James Comey<em></em>
Former FBI director and self-appointed beacon of rectitude James Comey is currently in the midst of barnstorming the country’s numerous morning show sets to plug his new tell-all. And while I will gladly side with Comey in any tiff with the President or with Meghan McCain, I think I’ve had just abou...
