Various Trader Joe’s Foodstuffs, Ranked

(NOTE: Beer and wine not included.)

1. Soup dumplings

2. Salted chocolate almonds

3. Dark peanut butter cups

4. Mortadella

5. Gruyere and ham Alsatian tart

6. Gochujang almonds

7. Uncooked chocolate croissants

8. Dark chocolate nutty bits

9. Everything bagel seasoning

10. Cinnamon glazed almonds

11. Parmesan pastry pups

12. Vegetable bird’s nests

13. Frozen gyoza potstickers

14. Coconut cookie thins

15. Shishito peppers

16. Dark chocolate pretzels

17. Armenian string cheese

18. Canned smoked trout

19. Orange chicken

20. Cookie butter

21. Frozen macarons

22. Spring rolls

23. Brined Thanksgiving turkey

24. Spanakopita

25. Blister peanuts

26. Chicken and green chile tamales

27. Shoot me fucking dead

28. Their frozen fish