drewmagary Page 28 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Stanford Swimmer's Non-Apology Is A Pathetic Piece Of Deflection And Self-Pity
By now, you know the terrible story of former Stanford swimmer Brock Turner and the woman known as Emily Doe, the college graduate whom Turner raped behind a dumpster while she was unconscious. Turner was found guilty of three felonies, but got a reduced sentence because the judge feared the “severe...
We Have Found The Ultimate Contrarian Ali Take
God bless you, Ted Diadiun of Cleveland.com. Just when I thought this week’s avalanche of Muhammad Ali tributes would be uniformly thoughtful and compassionate, you—good sir—had the courage to write what needed to be written: that Ali was a preening showboat and is the reason lots of people died in ...
Shit, I Guess We Should Talk About The Gorilla
On this week’s Deadcast, Marchman and I dive into the surprisingly blame-free death of Harambe the Gorilla. I searched all week for a decent gorilla take, and there was none to be had. If anything, THAT is the real tragedy of all this. I guess the only real lesson is to avoid zoos because they’re ho...
The Hater’s Guide To The 2016 NBA Finals
A few years ago, when my children were very small, I lamented the fact that I had to cut a great deal of sports out of my life. This happens when you have a baby. There’s no time to watch a tetrafinal playoff game because the kid needs to be fed or taken for a stroll or put to bed or have its butt w...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Jake And The Neverland Pirates</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. ...
Should I Feel Bad For Helping A College Football Player Cheat?
Your letters!...
Kitchen Utensils, Ranked
It’s time for us to play the ultimate game of knifey-spoony, folks. Yes, we’re ranking kitchen utensils on this week’s Deadcast, and I think you’ll be surprised about how strongly you feel about where spoons belong in the culinary hierarchy....
Bernie Should Get The Fuck Out
You won’t believe this, but Bernie Sanders won the state of Oregon last night. (Real fucking shocker there, I know.) Anyway, Bernie has no realistic mathematical shot at securing the delegates needed to win the Democratic nomination, AND some his supporters are now openly threatening people, because...
Bill Simmons Introduces Himself to HBO Viewers With Worst <i>Bull Durham</i> Speech Ever
A year after his rude ouster from ESPN, you’re about to get a whole shitload of Bill Simmons back in your life, both at The Ringer (set to formally debut next month, although they’re already pumping out vital “Is Tom Hiddleston A Superstar?” takes on Facebook) and with his new HBO show, Any Given We...
Barbecue Side Dishes, Ranked
It’s Friday afternoon and it’s rained for 900 consecutive days. Let’s fight about ranking barbecue side dishes. Are you ready? Here we go:...
Let’s Move The Raiders To Vegas
By now we’re all so used to NFL relocation talk that the first impulse is to ignore all the recent reports that Oakland Raiders owner and embarrassing ’70s yearbook photo Mark Davis is toying with the idea of moving the team to Las Vegas. Remember, it took decades for the NFL to finally sack up and ...
On Safe Spaces: A Message For College Graduates
Oh God, it’s graduation season. Can’t we pause this somehow? I just got done adjusting to the LAST graduating class entering the workforce and ruining everything. Can’t we put a five-year moratorium on graduations so that the rest of the world can take a breather? You’re all exhausting and terrible,...
There’s No Good Way To Enter A Wedding Reception
Your letters:...
What Is The Most Pretentious Musical Instrument?
If you’ve ever heard Jack White go through his marimba phase, or seen a dude waltz onto a subway car holding a djembe drum, you know there are some pretty goddamn pretentious instruments out there. But which one is the worst offender, and why is it always the bagpipes? That’s the subject of this wee...
How To Be A Radiohead Fan Without Being A Dipshit About It
Radiohead dropped a new single this week called “Burn The Witch” and it’s fucking gold. It sounds like a Smiths song and a Hitchcock film score hopped in bed together. I’ve listened to it twenty times over the past day, and now I’m afraid everyone is out to get me. It’s all of the paranoia of cocain...
George Will Is A Haughty Dipshit
George Will should have been left unemployed and starving ages ago. Newspapers are dying off and people despise the media more than they have ever despised the media—which is saying a lot—and yet here fucking George Will remains, along with the Noonans and Friedmans and Brookses of the world, gainfu...