haters-guide - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

A Hater's Guide To The 2019 MLB PlayoffsBaseball is good when it’s good, and sometimes even more powerful when it’s bad, and maybe especially when it doesn’t matter, which makes it more concerning that we are running out of it at an alarming rate. This is normal seasonal stuff, but it’s upsetting nonetheless. Teams’ seasons are dying out ...

The Hater's Guide To March MadnessThe NCAA Tournament is what you make of it. So is everything else, obviously, but while the tournament is objectively just what it is—a sloppy whirlwind fortnight of stressed-out teenagers just absolutely freaking the fuck out while playing the most important basketball games of their lives—it is al...

The 2018 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars<em></em>I was asleep last year when Warren Beatty, who last made a good movie before the advent of the steam engine, and Faye Dunaway botched the Best Picture announcement for Moonlight. I have very few regrets about this because I just watched it on YouTube the next day and because, if you go by the analyt...

The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog<em></em>

Oh! It’s you! My dearest, most refined holiday compatriot! My apologies, I didn’t see you were at the door....

The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The MLB Playoffs<em></em>

Hey, it’s finally baseball season! Pitchers pitchin’! Catchers catchin’! Bats crackin’! Batters scratchin’! Now I know every loves a little taste of summer training, but now they start playing games that count! [Mel Allen voice] How about that?...

The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars<em></em>

Oh God, it’s Oscar time again. Just what I needed in the middle of the fucking apocalypse. Donald Trump is President. Russia has hacked all of our phones and is actively watching us masturbate. And every public school is going to teach your kids that gay people come from the fucking moon. These are ...

The 2016 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

I was on the Jersey Turnpike when I saw it. I was driving my family to New York for Thanksgiving and there, along the shittiest stretch of road in the shittiest state in America, I saw the Williams-Sonoma fulfillment center: a vast hangar that seemed to stretch a mile long, with shipping containers ...

The Hater’s Guide To The 2016 NBA Finals

A few years ago, when my children were very small, I lamented the fact that I had to cut a great deal of sports out of my life. This happens when you have a baby. There’s no time to watch a tetrafinal playoff game because the kid needs to be fed or taken for a stroll or put to bed or have its butt w...