miserableshitehawk Page 29 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Canucks' Alexander Edler Taken Off On Stretcher After Gory Faceplant
Canucks defenseman Alexander Edler got tangled up while retreating in front of his team’s goal early in the third period of Monday night’s game against the Flyers, and faceplanted with extreme violence. A player spiking his face into the ice isn’t generally one of the many things a viewer expects to...
The Crappiest Super Bowl In Memory Also Did The Crappiest Ratings In More Than A Decade
Super Bowl LIII did huge viewership numbers, relative to all other non-Super Bowl American television events. But relative to other recent Super Bowls, New England’s dismal 13–3 victory over the vanishing Rams was a ratings dud, drawing the fewest households to its broadcast in recent NFL history. P...
If You've Been Waiting All These Years To See Bobby Hurley Eat Some Shit On A Basketball Court, Congratulations, Your Time Has Come
Arizona State toppled Arizona in overtime Thursday night, 95–88, breaking a streak of six straight Wildcat victories in the rivalry, stretching back to 2015. Great. Tremendous. Now let us spend several minutes together chuckling at the sight of grey-haired, 47-year-old Bobby Hurley eating a damn bas...
The Knicks Say Kristaps Porzingis Wasn't On Board With Their Plan, Which Is Definitely Not Just A Magic 8-Ball
The Knicks traded away Kristaps Porzingis, taking back Dennis Smith Jr., expiring contracts, and a couple of first-round draft picks, one of which is contingent on the condition of another draft pick, and may finally convey under weird, potentially unappealing circumstances. To hear the Knicks tell ...
These Damn Memphis Grizzlies Suffer Another Exquisitely Painful Loss
Things are getting mighty sad in Memphis. Franchise cornerstones Mike Conley and Marc Gasol are on the trading block. Their once-promising start to the season has spiraled nightmarishly into full-blown, total hell. Monday night they blew a 25-point lead at home and suffered through an agonizing last...
Anthony Davis Might Not Play Again This Season, For The Most Bullcrap Of Reasons
The Pelicans are already moving on from Anthony Davis. Dell Demps might be stuck in the denial phase—he is reportedly “not picking up the phone” to field incoming trade inquiries—but the team has already yanked Davis out of their standard pregame hype video, and pulled his image from their Twitter p...
The Latest Ridiculous Chapter Of Enes Kanter's Knicks Feud Involves Smooching The Actual Floor
Enes Kanter has been a healthy scratch for the Knicks over their last four games, all losses. Collectively those games make up the only four outright benchings of Kanter’s seven-plus years in the NBA, and the big man hasn’t taken them sitting down. Or, yes, of course he was sitting down, but while h...
Patrick Peterson: Upon Second Thought, I Shall Ride The Towering Assberg
Back in October, with his horrid Cardinals stuck at 1–6 and playing like a gigantic ass that was pooped out by an even larger ass, Pro Bowl cornerback Patrick Peterson reached the end of his rope and demanded a trade, sending word through Adam Schefter that he “desperately” wanted a change of scener...
<i>SportsCenter</i> Falls For Fake Instagram Screenshot Showing LeBron James Once Again Tampering With Anthony Davis
Hey, remember when ESPN trumped up a ho-hum quote by LeBron James about how cool it would be to play with one of the greatest players of this generation, and spun out a whole stupid news cycle from it, and got the NBA to send out a memo warning teams against players speaking aloud in a way that sugg...
Jahlil Okafor, Of All People, Leads The Gutted Pelicans To A Road Victory Over The Rockets
The list of guys who couldn’t play Tuesday night for the Pelicans is very nearly a list of every established and half-decent player on the roster. This was a nationally televised game against the surging Rockets, and the lineups foretold an ugly, lopsided massacre:...
Proud Hockey Parents Mark Son's First Professional Fight By Coming Nowhere Close On Celebratory High Five
Late in the second period of Tuesday night’s Jets-Bruins game, Bruins youngster Trent Frederic threw down with Jets wing Brandon Tanev. Tanev, perhaps lulled into a false sense of security by Frederic’s apple cheeks and youthful complexion, was truly not at all ready for the hands:...
Just Several Frightening Seconds Of Zion Williamson Gobbling Up An Opposing Ball-Handler Like A Delicious Turkey Dinner
The disgusting Duke Blue Devils worked over Notre Dame Monday night, behind another ridiculous performance from Zion Williamson. Young Zion scored 26 points in 33 minutes, on just 12 total shots, and pulled down nine rebounds, and led the game with four blocks. In general he was just way too much fo...
Grizzlies Explore New Depths Of Misery Via Excruciating Kyle Anderson Meltdown
The Memphis Grizzlies spent the late stages of their Monday night home game against the Nuggets barfing away what had been a 25-point lead. Denver grabbed its first lead of the entire game with under a minute left in the fourth quarter; the teams traded buckets over the following 15 seconds (includi...
Lonzo Ball Would Prefer To Be Traded Where He Can Start Right Away, Just As I Would Prefer To Stalk My Enemies From Atop A Mighty Tyrannosaur
The Lakers are expected to offer some combination of young foundational players to the Pelicans in exchange for Anthony Davis, who requested a trade from New Orleans over the weekend. The most prominent of those young players is one Lonzo Ball, who by this time last year was viewed as the crown jew...
NBA Investigating Anthony Davis Trade Request For Signs Of Self-Tampering
Anthony Davis has requested a trade from the New Orleans Pelicans, a half-assed basketball operation that squandered all but a few hours of his NBA career to date. Adrian Wojnarowski reported it; he had the scoop because Rich Paul, Davis’s agent, told him. Just a few hours later, the Pelicans public...
The Young Lakers Are Fucking This Up
LeBron James went down with a groin injury way back on Christmas Day. You cannot build, even in theory, a cast of teammates and a basketball ecosystem that wouldn’t suffer in the immediate aftermath of losing a player of LeBron’s prominence, but the young Lakers, at least in theory, should’ve been r...
Spend Exactly None Of Your Time Killing Time
Here’s a good resolution, if you’re the sort of person who resolves to do good and healthy things and then maintains any hope of actually doing them: Resolve to divide your waking hours exactly and only between doing things you should be doing, and doing things you want to be doing....
David Fizdale Isn't Worried About Distractions, Because His Knicks Already Suck Major Shit
The Knicks are having quite a time. They’ve got the longest active losing streak in the NBA, at seven games, and they’ve lost a nightmarish 22 of their last 25, stretching all the way back to November 27. To the extent that the Knicks can be said to have had any chemistry at any point in the 21st ce...
Steven Adams Unleashes World's Worst Euro-Step
Steven Adams is a big heavy metal-looking Kiwi monster who does cool basketball things all the time, and this season he’s played his way into serious All-Star consideration by being efficient as shit and co-anchoring one of the NBA’s best defenses. Mostly he’s stayed pretty chill through all this, b...
Frustrated Young Knick Allonzo Trier Slides Into Twitter DMs To Defend His Effort
The Knicks dropped a narrow one at home to the Houston Rockets Wednesday night. Afterward, several Knicks fans, already all aboard the Zion Williamson tank, tweeted their gratitude for some extremely butt point-of-attack defense that let Eric Gordon waltz into a game-winning three-pointer. Here’s th...