mjdeadspin-old Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

I Like Oscar de la Hoya's Chances, If He Doesn't Explode Before May 5th
I'm not an expert on boxing training techniques, so I don't know if this is a common practice or not ... it's hard for me to imagine, though, Mike Tyson training for a fight by getting a full body nude "greasedown massage" from a fellow named Freddy Roach, and then engaging in non-ejaculatory sex....

Everyone Deserves To Feel Pretty
This would've been much more enjoyable if it wasn't a photograph for which Randy Johnson posed, and he was instead caught doing this in the clubhouse to psyche himself up before a start. He seemed so much happier in his Mariner days ... not once since he joined the Yankees has he felt like the prett...

Phil Mickelson Is Not A Wooden-Shafted Legend
I had no idea that song had words. I liked it better before I discovered that earlier in the week ... and I didn't like it much then. It's nothing personal, but I want to beat that guy to death with a 9-iron....

Golfer Of The Week: Elsie McLean
Short of Tiger Woods winning the green jacket and celebrating by making love to Phil Mickelson's wife on the front porch of Butler Cabin while Jim Nantz describes every detail with awed reverence, we'll not be seeing anything this cool at The Masters today. 102-year-old Elsie McLean made a hole-in-o...

Let's Celebrate A Resurrection
The resurrection of Christ is being celebrated everywhere today (my apologies for violating the separation of church and Deadspin, especially to the many Deadspin readers who are proud, Godless heathens), so I thought we'd go in a different direction here and celebrate a couple of other equally-impo...

For Your Sunday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure...
12:00, CSTV. College Baseball. North Carolina @ Maryland. 1:00, TBS. MLB. New York Mets @ Atlanta Braves. 1:00, ESPN. College Baseball. South Carolina @ Florida. 1:00, ESPN2. WTA Tennis. Bausch @ Lomb Championships, Final. 1:00, ESPNU. Bethune Cookman @ North Carolina AT&T. 1:00, NBC. NHL. Buffalo S...

About Last Night...
• MLB. Padres 3, Rockies 2. Do not underestimate the strategic advantage provided by camouflage uniforms. • NBA. Nets 120, Wizards 114. Jason Kidd and Vince Carter become the first teammates to have a triple-double in the same game since Jordan and Pippen in '89. Jordan and Pippen would not have req...

A Slight Departure From Billy Packer
With the NCAA tournament gone, and CBS putting Billy Packer back in his cryogenic chamber for 11 months, I thought we were entitled to some commentators with more of a sense of joy....

To Watch Tonight...
• College Hockey. NCAA Tournament, Final. It's Michigan State vs. Boston College, but I'm not ruling out Florida finding a way to win the national title. 7:00, ESPN. • College Softball. Arizona State @ Arizona. That girl with the ponytail is primed for a breakout year. 10:00, ESPN2. • Toronto FC @ C...

I Can Go With Both Hands, Myself
I'm sorry, Nate Funk, but you are no longer my favorite Creighton athlete. That honor now belongs to Pat Venditte, a pitcher on the Creighton baseball team that can pitch with either hand. From the New York Times:...

LeftoverDome...
• Keith Hernandez is going to revolutionize Major League scouting with his theories about first names that are also names of cities. [Yelling Louder] • The most complete breakdown of Joel Zumaya that you will find anywhere. [Extrapolater] • Phoenix begs for an MLS team. Phoenix must be a happening p...

Jim Nantz Is The Master
If you love scrambling for pars and conservative golf (as opposed to all the extreme high-risk golf out there), you should love today's Masters coverage. The course continues to play very tough, with most of today's players being well over par. A few have gotten to red numbers, though, with Tiger Wo...

MLS Soldiers On Without Eric Wynalda
There will be exactly two MLS games on ABC this season: today's First Kick (3:30, ABC), and the championship game. So today is the one chance that MLS can choose on whom the ABC spotlight shines, and none of the following people are involved: Freddy Adu, David Beckham (okay, they have no choice on t...

Today In The Premiership...
• Arsenal 0-1 West Ham. Shots on goal: Arsenal 30, West Ham 6. Goals: West Ham 1, Arsenal 0. West Ham goalie did the yeoman's work this afternoon, and the woodwork of the goal suffered a vicious pounding at the hands of the Arsenal strikers, as West Ham earned got the unlikely win. Arsenal's lost th...

Grump Is The Most Persisent Of Molester Mascots
For the second time in less than a week, the man who worked part-time as Grump, the mascot for the Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons, has been arrested for doing naughty things with someone who is not old enough to do naughty things. From The Citizens Voice:...

Mike Hargrove Makes The Weather Work For The Mariners
Nothing officially happened in Cleveland yesterday. If you check the MLB record books, you'll see that Paul Byrd did not have a no hitter going through nearly five innings, he was not one pitch away from completing the abbreviated game, and Mariners manager Mike Hargrove did not manipulate the umpir...

Report: Kevin Durant Wants To Shake David Stern's Hand
We start today with a little bit of good news for fans of terrible NBA teams. Kevin Durant, according to DraftExpress.com, has decided to play basketball for money....

For Your Saturday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure...
12:00, Fox Soccer. Premiership. Manchester United vs. Portsmouth. 1:00, ESPN2. WTA Tennis. Bausch @ Lomb Championships, Semifinal. 1:00, ESPNU. College Lacrosse. Duke @ Johns Hopkins. 2:00, TNT. Movie. The Legend of Bagger Vance. 2:00, ESPN. College Football Practice. Oklahoma. 2:30, NBC. Cycling. U...

About Last Night...
• NBA. Lakers 112, Sonics 109. Kobe comes up just short in his effort to make his point total to double Smush Parker's minute total. • MLB. Devil Rays 6, Blue Jays 5. Akinori Iwamura: 4-4, HR, and a bunt single in the 9th that put him on board to score the winning run. • MLB. Cardinals 4, Astros 2. ...

Opening Day Eve, Or Whatever They Call This
Tonight, The St. Louis Cardinals begin their defense of the World Championship. Providing the opposition for the World Champion Cardinals will be the New York Mets, who are not World Champions, and who the Cardinals beat in the NLCS last year en route to a World Championship. On the hill for the Met...