MLB Page 1185 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Wayne Rooney Is Not An Animal. Wayne Rooney Is A Human Being.
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

So, What's Mrs. Tom Brady Doing With This Guy Who Isn't Mr. Tom Brady? (With Update!)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Joe Morgan Drops A Zen Koan
"All individual awards," Joe Morgan says, "are team awards."...

Marmalard, Dead! Minaya, Dead! Manuel, Dead!
The Mets have told Omar Minaya and Jerry Manuel that they're done as GM and manager, respectively. But not respectably....

The Twins Joined The "Humiliating Rookie Costume" Parade
September call-ups are probably the best thing about the waning days of the MLB season, whether you're a contender or a basement dweller. It's all thanks to the time-honored tradition of humiliating the rookies....

God, Cincinnatians Must Be Miserable People
Celebrating their first division title in 15 years, some members of the Reds lit up victory cigars in the clubhouse. No fewer than five people watching on TV promptly called the health inspector to report a violation of the city's smoking ban....

Bud Selig Can't Hear You: A Gallery Of Metaphorically Rich Photos Of The Commissioner Cupping His Ear
The Dallas Observer has the latest entry in an ever-growing genre of sports photography: Bud Selig cupping his ear and straining to hear something that he'll probably just lie about anyway. Speak up, America. Bud can't quite make out what you're saying....

Ken Burns High-Fives People When You Cry, And Other Things I Learned While Working On <em>Baseball</em>
In 1993, Alex Belth left college and began working on Ken Burns's Baseball documentary, whose coda, The Tenth Inning, is airing now on PBS. Here, Belth recalls his time with Burns, his encounter with Carly Simon, and Roger Angell's clicking lozenge....

George Will Is Once Again Inflicting His Thoughts About Baseball On America
The line of the day comes courtesy of Charlie Pierce, writing here about the piano recital and Bob Costas smarmathon known as Ken Burns's Tenth Inning: "George Will still talks like your grandmother's underwear drawer."...

That's Not The Ass Of Any Old Ballplayer; That's The Ass Of A Playoff-Spot-Clinching Ballplayer (NSFW-ish)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Here's Ted Williams Talking About His Final Home Run
Updike, Schmupdike. Here's The Splendid Splinter in his own words, talking about his last home run, how he knew it was going to happen, and depriving the fans of the hat tip they wanted oh so much....

Stories That Actually Do Kind Of Suck: John Updike On Ted Williams
It's the 50th anniversary of Ted Williams's final game, which means someone, inevitably, will want to talk about John Updike's gooey poetastering all over the pages of New Yorker. Read the story again, if you can bear it, and then explain to me what a "peeping-type Easter egg" is....

Rays Attendance To Mysteriously Spike Tomorrow
The Rays will give out 20,000 free tickets to Wednesday's game. Tampa Bay Fans should really stay home and watch the Ken Burns doc, so they learn that baseball existed before October 2008....

Double Buckner: What Does It Mean?
Here's Gaby Sanchez, and then Dan Uggla exposing their five-holes on the same play. "Good times out there tonight," Uggla joked. Maybe baseball doesn't belong in Florida....

Florida Marlins Rookie Hazing Takes Uncomfortable, Fake Pube-y Turn
The Marlins took part in baseball's long-held tradition of dressing rookies as women recently, and no one was more up to the task than Logan Morrison who dressed as Angie Everhart—who research shows was never on Baywatch. What an idiot. [Last Angry Fan]...

The One Where Ozzie Guillen Threatens To Manage The Cubs
Somewhat-clear-and-coherent quotes from a guy who Tweets in better English than he speaks? Yep, that's why White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen's answer about whether he'd ever coach cross-town bears repeating....

Oh Look, The Mets Are Still Whining About Chase Utley
Listen, Chase Utley's Friday Night Slide into Ruben Tejada (video here) was a little over-the-top; not just because the Mets are as harmful a foe as a bike helmet, but because he went behind the bag at 'em....

Albert Haynesworth: I'm Not "A Slave Or Whatever" to Redskins
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Let's See What Happens When A Baltimore Oriole Meets A Flight Attendant
And now, a feel-good post to close the day....

Here's A Video In Which Tim Lincecum Seemingly Says The Ball Is Juiced
This meeting of the Deadspin Lip-Reading Team is called to order. It starts at roughly 24 seconds of this video which will likely disappear with the quickness so get on it, yo....