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Are you prepared for Jehovah's return? Because if you're not, we've got a pamphlet. [Door slams.] Well, eff you then. Half-dead motherfucker. Come on, sister.

Boy, get your ass in here. We smelled your shit for 22 years. Now you can smell our for five minutes. If you can handle all that, you're ready to be a Deadspin sponsor. Click here to find out how.

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