Is Bill Belichick’s gap year a post-dated suspension for Spygate?

The New England Patriots dynasty ended when Tom Brady left for Tampa Bay, but now it’s officially over as the Pats’ run is getting The Last Dance treatment. Yes, only a season past Bill Belichick’s departure, Apple+ has a nine-parter called The Dynasty coming out whenever. What they won’t tell you in that documentary (I’m guessing) is the real reason the Hoodie is without a job right now.

A few weeks ago, I wrote that NFL franchises are blackballing Belichick because he’s a dick. I mostly did it to take potshots at the Hall of Fame coach, but also because I couldn’t believe no owner wanted to take a swing. It’s impossible. We’re talking about the retread-iest league of all the sports leagues.

However, I overlooked one distinct possibility: Is this season-long reprieve a wink-wink suspension from Roger Goodell for Spygate? Think about it. It’s very similar to Michael Jordan’s mysterious break from basketball.

There’s a commissioner trying to save his league’s reputation, a whiff of intrigue, a scandal involving a main cog of a dynasty, and a peculiar suspension.

The difference is Goodell probably told Belichick that he’ll have to sit out a year when he’s done in Foxborough, not knowing the run would last another 15 seasons. This gap year is just Belichick’s penance for filming the Jets, Rams, and whatever other franchises New England “out-schemed” for a couple decades.

Goodell had the tapes smashed because he’s a moron, and this was prior to him developing an awareness that he could be total dipsh*t and get away with it. The move also allowed the festering wound that was the Belichick-Brady Patriots to infect the AFC like a plague.

The commish, vile slug that he is, couldn’t help but take a liking to the growth’s spread, and worked in conjunction with the NFL and Robert Kraft to construct the longest-lasting, most polarizing team in the history of the Shield. Deflategate? More like sleight of hand to “motivate” New England to another couple Lombardis.

If Belichick shows interest in managing a Triple-A club, we’ll know for certain.

Did you know they’re making another interaction of the Dumb and Dumber franchise? Me neither, but the guys they cast to replace Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels are like the True Detective of dumb.

Ah, yes, here’s Aaron Rodgers and Robert Kennedy Jr. a few moments after staring directly at the sun. I hope one of those idiots gets bitten by a rabies-ridden raccoon, and they’re far enough removed from civilization and a Tetanus shot for it to be fatal.