BREAKING: NBA TO ANNOUNCE MORE CANCELED GAMES, ACCORDING TO HIGHEST-LEVEL LEAGUE EMPLOYEE

DATELINE—TWITTERSPACE After this afternoon's collapse in negotiations, commissioner David Stern is planning to announce more cancellations beyond the first two weeks of the season. Opening night was to be Tuesday; now there won't be November basketball. We're told that low-level team employees with email access are crushed. CUE THE HIPPO.