Can Philip Rivers Dunk A Basketball?

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Consider the possibilities.
Consider the possibilities.
Photo: Elsa (Getty Images)

All the bars that can open their windows have opened them, and the other ones have shut them tight and dialed up the air conditioning. The air is dense and soupy; just walking down the street feels like wading out into a very still body of saltwater. The sports schedule, give or take the end of the women’s World Cup, is just all Blue Mondays and regular-season baseball games as far as the eye can see. People are talking about vacations and the boldest of those are actually taking them. It’s summer, and given the structureless stretch of hot slow days ahead, it seemed like the right time for a Summer Funbag Extravaganza.

Just because we foreswore sports for the week doesn’t mean that we didn’t talk about sports. It just means we weren’t talking about sports that are happening now. You do not need to hear me do the Ten Things I Think I Think About Lucas Giolito’s Breakout Season thing live, and lord knows Drew doesn’t, either. But the Funbag pointed us in some vaguely sports-y directions, and we followed. This is the nice way of saying that we spent an entire segment of the podcast going down the list of the NFL’s starting quarterbacks and trying to ascertain who can dunk and who can’t. So many people, rough guys and even some tough guys, are coming up to me on Twitter, crying like you wouldn’t believe, and telling me that I’m an idiot for my belief that Russell Wilson can dunk.


And while I probably am an idiot for that one, there’s plenty more idiocy where that came from. There’s an extremely wide-ranging conversation about littering and a vivid digression on how those garbage-filled snow dunes that pop up in cities during the winter even happen. We discuss the perils of getting high when you’re old and stupid. We envision a helicopter gunship lighting up one of those car-with-a-bow-on-it Lexus ads. Best of all, because these were your questions, this is all technically your fault. I’d love to say that we’ll get back to our rigid, laser-precise structure in future weeks, but it’ll probably be a few months before we bother. That will be our fault, but this one is on you.

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