Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Poor Carlton Banks. He went to Princeton, backed by a large family fortune, but that wasn't enough for him. Somewhere along the line he fell on hard times—2008 felled so many titans—and had to resort to doing personal appearances at single-A baseball games in Iowa.

Last night, Carlton (pictured above with Will Smith, an actor and Carlton's cousin) turned up at the Quad Cities River Bandits' game against the Beloit Snappers. See, it's on the River Bandits' website as a promotion: "Appearance: 'Carlton,' Presented by Quad-City Times." (That's when you know you're really in the shit: when a small-town daily newspaper can afford to pony up your appearance fee.)


At first, all were excited. But Carlton Night was far less fun than it could have been, reports reader Matt. Carlton had to read the lyrics to "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" off his phone. And, worse, he didn't dance:

Thanks a lot, Carlton. Time has made you a bitterer man.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter