Hey, The Browns? Can we chat for a second? Great. So, this isn't, like, a huge deal or anything, but I'm just a little concerned about you guys. I think we're all concerned about you guys. We're not trying to gang up on you or anything, it's just, some of the things we've been reading about you are a little...alarming.
So, you know you drafted Johnny Manziel. Right? You know you did that? OK, good. He's a pretty exciting player. Supremely athletic and charismatic, he really gave you guys a shot in the arm. But, here's the thing: you drafted the Johnny Manziel—the Johnny Manziel that was arrested in a barroom brawl and took a shirtless mugshot, the Johnny Manziel that parties (with and without Drake), was suspended twice, had ESPN talking about his VIP-ness over one year ago, maybe or maybe not left the Manning camp because he partied too hard the night before, and the Johnny Manziel capable of any number of ridiculous things, proof of which we are willing to pay for—not some stiff who also happens to be named Johnny Manziel.
So when you guys say that you've been "'alarmed' by some of Johnny Manziel's antics since the draft" it kind of makes us wonder aloud.
Is everything OK at work? Are you maybe not putting in as much effort in researching draft picks as other teams? Maybe you got caught up in the excitement of running a pro sports franchise and mentally checked out for a bit? Or, are things rough at home and you guys are self medicating and maybe you missed something? Those are two possible explanations for how a professional football franchise could be "stunned" that Johnny Fucking Football Manziel has partied a lot since he was drafted.
Another would be illiteracy.
Whatever the reason, it is a little concerning because we thought you had gotten this out of your system. You brought in a new general manager and a new head coach and promised things were going to be different, but here we are again with a Browns team that seems to not know what the fuck is going on. The alarming thing is, you may have actually regressed. Maybe these are just rookie mistakes. We hope they are, and don't speak to a larger problem with the Cleveland Browns makeup that could potentially impact the season.