It seems like only yesterday it was week one and I was doing weird things like Fictional Character Associated With The Region Game Simulator and forgetting to include the random game here or there. Well, FCAWRGS went by the wayside. Let's make it a great week 17, no?
Miami at NY Jets (CBS): Brandon Marshall called Darrelle Revis the Michael Jordan of the NFL. Michael Jordan then announced his intention to finally make his large breasted friend eternally happy while implicitly promising to put a ring on his own finger in the coming months. COINCIDENCE?
Carolina at New Orleans (FOX): The Saints are going to the playoffs and will go in as the third seed, unless St. Louis beats San Francisco. The Saints are going to the playoffs and will go in as the third seed. Hey, maybe we'll see some Chase Daniel action. That is unless good guy Drew Brees needs to pad his stats to maintain his record over good guy Tom Brady, who will most likely eclipse the 190 yards that currently separate the two.
Buffalo at New England (CBS): Oh, hey. We were just talking about you. Even though he's only listed as probable, Tom Brady will look to become just the fifth man to pass for ove[blows brains out]. Of course Tom Brady is going to play, why does every single member of the media engage in this stupid dance of will he or won't he? He'll play and probably throw 100 times for 800 yards because the Patriots are dicks like that.
Chicago at Minnesota (FOX): Both the Bears and the Vikings are officially eliminated from the post season so this one's for pride. On his way out the door, Jim Kleinsasser sums up playing in the NFL pretty succinctly: "His first reception came from Randall Cunningham; his most recent carry was in Week 9 of 2003. 'I feel good about going out with two good legs that work,' Kleinsasser said. 'My head's good, and I think there's a point where you don't want to push your luck.'" [Star Tribune]
San Francisco at St. Louis (FOX): "Harbaugh ranks Smith behind only Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees among NFC quarterbacks and endorses him as the team's long-term solution at quarterback." It's a credit to the equal parts intensity and insanity of Jim Harbaugh that you kind of don't know whether he's serious or not. I'll say this, though: when was the last time Mike McCarthy or Sean Payton said that Rodgers or Brees was their respective team's long-term solution? [STL Today]
Detroit at Green Bay (FOX): Matt Flynn figures to get a lot of action here so feel free to skip right over it.
Washington at Philadelphia (FOX): Guh. The NFL at least did a smart thing in starting to schedule division games at the end of the season. Not only does it prevent potential situations where a team rolls over against a team it doesn't need to beat (think Colts-Jets from a few years ago) it ensures that some divisions may go down to the wire and also gives an otherwise meaningless game like this a little juice because it's at least some sort of rivalry.
Indianapolis at Jacksonville (CBS): The Colts losing has been a fun story this season but it's just not the same without ol' Peyton freaking out on the field as it happens. Here's another division game but, honestly, even that can't get me interested. I'll be too busy sticking needles in my Andy Dalton/Tennessee Titans entire team/Oakland Raiders entire team and/or Tim Tebow voodoo dolls anyway.
Tennessee at Houston (CBS): The Titans are in essentially the same position as the Jets and Raiders. They need to win and for everyone else to lose. Seems to me that the Titans have the longest row to hoe with having to beat a playoff team and hoping that Cincinnati loses to the Ravens, the Jets lose to Miami and both Oakland and Denver win. Or if the Jets win and the Bengals lose a loss by either of Oakland or Denver will net Tennessee a playoff birth. So, it all comes down to the Jets. And the Bengals. And a million other things. (Same goes for the Jets and Raiders.)
What You're Watching
Via The 506. CBS: