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Dead Letters: "Dick And Ball's."

Photo: Hulton Archive (Getty)
Dead LettersWelcome to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors and writers are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: You know what...

From: Vanshdhar Rathore

To: Luis Paez-Pumar

Humans have always been stupid. And you are included in that subset. Who the fuck gave you the right to piss on more than a billion people’s feelings? Who the fuck are you? I’ll tell you... You are a two bit failed writer who couldn’t achieve mote than these seedy columns. You are that useless writer who could not write a single page of dialogue to something as uncomplicated as American Pie. You are that fucking nincompoop who was unable to find words rhyming to hakuna-matata

Keep you fucking ego in check. Endgame is a swan song. The most beautiful ever written. Assholes can suck Stark’s cock.

Peace out mother fucker.

Subject: Your Endgame Review

From: Judith K. Bogdanove

To: Luis Paez-Pumar

That has got to be just about the dumbest review(and hey, I’ve read them all...) I’ve ever read. To suggest that Iron Man and Robert Downey Jr. have held up the Marvel Universe all by themselves is so ludicrous, negating the entirety of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee’s oeuvre... well, one could only deduce that you’ve never read comics and have only the thinnest is thin-slice understanding. Take some time off, and go sit under a nice tree with a few hundred back issues. Then rewrite and apologize. Judith K. Bogdanove.

Sent from my tricorder

Subject: Avengers Endgame review

From: Greg Webb

To: Luis Paez-Pumar

You are an idiot. Seriously. The MCU movies changed everything about what an action/superhero movie should be. Endgame....one of the best, if not the best entry/ending of the 22 films. Maybe you would rather see Shazam! Ugh...

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Subject: STOP WITH THE FUCKING POOL BOYS BULLSHIT NOONE SAYS THAT!!!!!

From: Bob McClennan

To: Luis Paez-Pumar

EOM

Subject: Jerk

From: Michael Sealock

To: Chris Thompson

Dick and Ball’s. My Daughter and Granddaughter’s follow Basketball. Totally inappropriate Headline. I would Love to shove your Original Copy DOWN your, insensitive throat. You are a complete, and Total Jerk. I can be reached at [phone number redacted], if you feel Manly. Clearly, you have No Idea of how to conduct yourself: as a Father, a Brother, a Husband..A Real Man. Those Two Word’s, are not needed to convey the image. Unless you are not a truly sanctioned Writer. What a Jerk. Mike, at your leisure.

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Subject: Non believer ?

From: Dalton Hegle

To: Chris Thompson

No I am sorry for you, Mr. Thompson.Your day will come at the hands of our maker.

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: You’re garbage

From: Cody Foust

To: Chris Thompson

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: (no subject)

From: InterTrans Logistics & Services

To: Chris Thompson

You are out of touch, a guy who dwells on negativity. If you do not have anything encouraging to write throw your sarcastic pen away.

I am sure you eat pickles and sour grapes 3x/day!

Too bad.🔇

Subject: Pab is what you are. Not to long ago Boston was tr...

From: Anon

To: Chris Thompson

Pab is what you are. Not to long ago Boston was trash so watch your mouth boy.

Subject: Orioles trash?

From: Leo Byrnes

To: Chris Thompson

Hey Chris,

Your trash. At least these guys on the Orioles made the big show and are not Just writing about

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Subject: Orioles Trash?

From: Leo Byrnes

To: Chris Thompson

Hey Chris,

Your trash. At least these Orioles made the big show and are not trying to write about it you F... Loser!!

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Subject: Really man your posting about FARTS !!!! smh ....... Journalism is fucking dying

From: King Red

To: Samer Kalaf

[No text.]

Subject: To help Mr. Davis

From: billoxner

To: Samer Kalaf

I’m not sure how to get a hold of Mr. Davis but I can help him with his batting. I have coached hitting for many years and I have a sure fire way to help him. This is no joke, I can really help him. Please forward this email to him and let him decide.

Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

Subject: NBA

From: Eric

To: Giri Nathan

HAHAHAHA Joel Embiid LE POOP?? LOL xDDD Diarrhea.

grow up faggot

Subject: Hack reporting as usual

From: Joel Sosnick

To: Barry Petchesky

The call was correct. You don’t know what you are talking about.

Your reporting has always been at the bottom of the scale.

You are not even a legitimate part of the media. There have been controversial calls all postseason. Get a clue, you are a joke.

Regards,

Joel

Subject: Re: Hack reporting as usual

From: Barry Petchesky

To: Joel Sosnick

Joel, read the blog. Of course the call was correct; I said that many, many times.

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Subject: Re: Re: Hack reporting as usual

From: Joel Sosnick

To: Barry Petchesky

No thanks, I get my information from the real media. Not hacks.

Regards,

Joel

Subject: Celtics article

From: Brad Schortmann

To: Albert Burneko

Lol u dumb as fuck. Are you a pacers fan or something cause that shit is unnecessary. What did we ever do to you? Was it winning the championship with the Red Sox and patriots in one year? Or was it the 17 championships that we won? Pick any other franchise and none of them are close to Boston sports. Have a shitty day!!!

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Subject: The Vile Celtics...

From: Tom Marino

To: Albert Burneko

Its too bad the Bruins are going to win the Stanley Cup and Boston will have 3 of the 4 major championship trophies at the same time hahahahaha. Suck it loser!!! Boston is the greatest sports city of all time and you have warm and fuzzies because only one of our teams isnt going to win it all. Are you going to cry when the Bruins win it all or do you not watch hockey because there is too much white male privilege? Loser.

Signed,

A Trump Supporting Bostonian

Subject: If you’re so interested in DC why don’t you just cover the Nats tanking LOL

From: Barry Pollock

To: Albert Burneko

Deadspin is still a sports site, right?

Why should sports fans care about some Justin Bieber hairdo lady who worked for a bunch of presidential losers who got schlonged by Donald Trump?

I sure don’t.

Subject: Liz Mair — why are you so obsessed with her? And why is this sports “news” anyway?

From: Elaine Robb

To: Albert Burneko, Megan Greenwell, Barry Petchesky, Samer Kalaf, Diana Moskovitz, Billy Haisley

I don’t get why you guys keep writing about Liz Mair. Who the fuck cares about some D-list “political operative”? Who reads fucking Deadspin that cares?

In any event, since apparently you think I care, I did a little research on her for you.

You guys know her mom’s family is from Utah and Montana, right? And even tho she lives in VA, she is a regular guest on Denver radio and purportedly spent a bunch of time on working ranches growing up which seems kind of like what cowboys do?

Also you should look at her Wikipedia page or something. According to that, she lived in the UK for longer than 10 years cause she lived there as a kid and she does a bunch of U.K. work still? It’s pretty obvious from her Twitter feed that she’s over there a lot working and seeing family and stuff.

It’s kinda creepy how obsessed you seem to be with her and even given that you haven’t noticed she’s a really hardcore, vocal pro-immigration activist. She was beaten up by Breitbart and the alt-right in 2015 and 2016 for being pro-amnesty and open borders and they got her fired from a campaign over it.

She obviously says dumb shit on Twitter and is right wing on a bunch of stuff but it’s weird that you seem so obsessed with her but haven’t bothered to figure out all the stuff I’ve mentioned here which took me like 3 minutes to find by Googling around and looking at her Twitter feed.

Do you just wish she’d fuck you or something? Like her titties and upset you can’t get some?

But seriously, why the fuck does this shit have to get peppered into my sports “news?” Can’t I just read about Kevin Durant in peace? Does everything have to be politics 24/7 now? Get this off Deadspin and quit linking to it.

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Subject: Re: Liz Mair — why are you so obsessed with her? And why is this sports “news” anyway?

From: Samer Kalaf

To: Elaine Robb

Please stop emailing us from alternate email accounts, Liz Mair. Thanks.

Subject: Re: Re: Liz Mair — why are you so obsessed with her? And why is this sports “news” anyway?

From: Elaine Robb

To: Samer Kalaf

Wow you’re crazy. Goodbye and good luck with your tinfoil hat.

Subject: Language

From: Lee Walters ([redacted]plantation@gmail.com)

To: Patrick Redford

I guess you think it’s cool to include foul language in an otherwise well written description of events. —If I had to guess, you’re a liberal.

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: Re: Language

From: Patrick Redford

To: Lee Walters

What plantation are you referring to in your email address?

Subject: Re: Re: Language

From: Lee Walters

To: Patrick Redford

I’m not referring to a particular plantation. What does that have to do with anything?

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: (no subject)

From: Michael Brylla

To: Patrick Redford

I believe that we are all Americans period. Why must they ( the press and others ) always have to say African American ???? Why can’t we just be called Americans ??? Or address them by there name ??? Thank you for your article , did not know making that sign was racist. Though I do find it appalling if that was his intention. Thanks again.

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