To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, Commenting Guru Rob Iracane will write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week. Mr. Iracane, co-proprietor of the brilliant Walkoff Walk , is also the guy who approves comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on.
We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed. So here's this week's column that shows the power Deadspin commenters have to stop boring comments. Rejoice, dear reader! Deadspin is officially a happier and funnier place to enjoy dick jokes about idiot sportscasters and ridiculous athletes. Two weeks ago, our best and brightest commenters got together and voted out (at my request) one of the most typically boring commenting memes (as chosen by user Phil Mickelsons Man Tits.) I'm pleased to announce that the following commenting crutch will no longer be permitted in the comments section of Deadspin posts:
Unit of Cultural Diffusion #1: "I know there's a joke in here about X and Y, but I just can't find it." Why: This commenting meme is the calling card for the uncreative. There are obviously two steps to making a joke: recognizing the subject and figuring out the execution. If you're not going to take the time to figure out the execution, don't make the joke.
I scanned your 266 comments and tallied the votes using a very scientific method. About half of you wanted to see this meme disappear; I'm glad to say that any future use of this unfortunate statement will result in execution. The third meme up for a vote (something > something else > some other thing that sounds similar) also garnered a fair share of votes. It's not going to be explicitly forbidden as a meme, but remember that I don't like it and your fellow commenters don't like it. After all, it's not fun for me to be the resident executioner around here. I'm not eliminating commenters to satisfy my own bloodthirst. No, I'm doing it because our readers and commenters alike want to read our comment section and see funny and original jokes! Consider me your benevolent tyrant who weeds out the miscreants for the benefit of the common good, if you must. Direct your vitriol at my name and continue to send your electronic missives my way. But remember: when you make a bad comment, you're making everyone sad, not just your friendly neighborhood Combudsman. These commenters, however, made us happy with the Comments of the Fortnight: Re: Michael Jordan's cancer sticks WanderingBear: Fuck off, American Cancer Society. Lou Gehrig is still responsible for more deaths than any other professional athlete, ever. Re: Ryan Leaf wisely investing sponsorship earnings BobStoopsPleatedPants: Are Nike and Pepsi paying Leaf to appear in ads for Reebok and Coke? Re: The inevitable Trojan blowout over OSU Weed Against Speed: An Inevitable Trojan Blowout is also how Matt Leinart became a daddy. Re: Francisco Rodriguez' assault on the single season save record Artie Fufkin: I think it's racist that people don't want Bobby Thigpen's record to be broken. Just one commenter execution this week as we'll see longtime commenter and one-time Wake Forest football preview writer KazMatsuisAnalFissure hang up his commenting hat for some shameless and unfunny misogyny. Note: if you're going to be a sexist dick, at least make an effort to make a joke.