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Deadspin's College Football Top 25 Or So: Ducks Unlimited

Illustration for article titled Deadspin's College Football Top 25 Or So: Ducks Unlimited

It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be.


1. LSU (10-0) Last week: 1

The Tigers took a break from beating every other would-be-elite team in the nation to beat Western Kentucky, 42-9.

2. Oklahoma State (10-0) Last week: 2

The Cowboys led Texas Tech 49-0 at the half, then stepped on the clutch and coasted to a 66-6 win.

3. Houston (10-0) Last week: 4

The Cougars' Thursday win over Tulane was included in last week's standings.

4. [Vacant] Last week: 5

If you're not up here, you lost to somebody. If you lost to somebody, you're not that good.


5. Arkansas (9-1) Last week: 6

Still dreaming of becoming the rock in a game of rock-scissors-paper with LSU and Alabama, the Razorbacks beat Tennessee, 49-7.


6. (tie) Virginia Tech (9-1) Last week: 7
6. (tie) Clemson (9-1) Last week: 7

The Hokies' Thursday win over Georgia Tech was included in last week's rankings. Clemson rallied from 14 points down to beat Wake Forest, 31-28, on a field goal at the gun, thereby guaranteeing that they'll play in the ACC title game.


8. Oklahoma (8-1) Last week: 10

The Sooners were idle.

9. Southern Miss (9-1) Last week: 13

The Golden Eagles broke up a two-point conversion try with zeros on the clock to beat Central Florida, 30-29, after a fourth quarter that featured five scoring drives, two turnovers, and a kickoff-return TD. The Knights get a moral victory for not cheapening the experience by settling for a PAT and overtime.


10. USC (8-2) Last week: 9

Matt Barkley—who has more passing yards and fewer interceptions than Andrew Luck, and as many passing touchdowns—threw for one touchdown and ran for another (also more than Luck) as the outlaw Trojans beat Washington, 40-17.


11. Alabama (9-1) Last week: 17

In the SEC's version of l'esprit de l'escalier, the Crimson Tide throttled Mississippi State, 24-7.


12. South Carolina (8-2) Last week: 11

A "giddy" Steve Spurrier tidied up his biographical arc by coaching the Gamecocks to victory over Florida, 17-12. The AP reports:

"It's one of the best I've ever had, not because it's my old school," Spurrier said. "But because it is six wins in the conference and beating those schools that have dominated South Carolina."


13. Oregon (9-1) Last week: 19

Purported favorite Stanford was so afraid of the Ducks, it stopped mowing the field, reportedly hoping the long grass would slow Oregon down. How did that work out?

[I]t did little more than send several Stanford players slipping and sliding as they chased the Oregon runners in vain.


And so Nike got itself in position for a decent bowl game/marketing opportunity after all, 53-30.

14. Kansas State (8-2) Last week: 14

The Wildcats beat Texas A&M "53-50" in "quadruple overtime." A&M's Ryan Tannehill was credited with three "touchdown passes," even though two of those came on fakey-fake non-drives after the real game was over. Kansas State's Collin Klein likewise went from an impressive three TDs to a bogus "five."


15. Boise State (8-1) Last week: 15

The Gonzaga of college football punished everyone who had been foolish enough to care about its pretend campaign for a national championship by shanking yet another field goal and losing to TCU, 36-35. In honor of the fact that none of Boise State's exertions meant anything in the first place, the Broncos will stay exactly where they were before.


16. Stanford (9-1) Last week: 3

Andrew Luck does have a better completion percentage than Matt Barkley. Maybe the Downtown Athletic Club can give out a Completion Percentage Trophy.


17. (tie) Michigan State (8-2) Last week: 20
17. (tie) Wisconsin (8-2) Last week: 20

The Spartans put away Georgetown to extend their lead in the standings, while the Badgers easily handled Fordham—oh, sorry, I got the Big Ten results mixed up with the Patriot League in the Nobody Cares Pile. Michigan State beat Iowa, 37-21, and Wisconsin beat Minnesota, 42-13.


19. Georgia (8-2) Last week: unranked

So ends Auburn's post-championship quasi-respectability, 45-7.

20. TCU (8-2) Last week: unranked

How come whoever kept giving Boise State a first-place vote in the AP poll didn't switch the vote to TCU?


21. Arkansas State (8-2) Last week: unranked

The Red Wolves beat Louisiana-Lafayette, 30-12, to stay undefeated in the Sun Belt Conference. Jonesboro, Ark., isn't really geographically part of the Sun Belt, is it?


120. Penn State (8-2) Last week: 120