Deadspin's College Football Top 25 Or So: The Tide Doesn't Move

Happy Labor Day weekend! Your unpaid student-athlete workforce is already on the job. So it's time for the 2012 Deadspin College Football Top 25 Or So. As always, teams are ranked according to the values and priorities of college football, as best we understand them, no matter how contradictory those values and priorities may be. (And despite the fact that the whole system has only two years left before it gets thrown in a dumpster in favor of the Playoff Era.)

1. Alabama

The reigning champs.

2. USC

The reigning outlaw champs, now returned to lawful competition, are No. 2.

3. [vacant]

Everyone but Alabama and USC starts the season a fraud or pretender till proven otherwise.

4. South Carolina (1-0)

Stayed out of the national title picture last year, beat some folks, seemed to have fun.

5. Oklahoma State

Imagine how far they might go if they can beat Iowa State this year.

6. Oregon

7. (tie) Michigan 7. (tie) Michigan State

Unless one of them turns out to stink, they break the tie Oct. 20.

9. (tie) Boise State 9. (tie) TCU * 9. (tie) Houston

Hurry, fellas! Only two more years to get screwed by the BCS before you can get screwed by the playoff system. [*Correction: TCU already got out of the sucker game, joining the Big 12 this year. We knew that last year.]

12. Stanford 12. (tie) Georgia 12. (tie) Arkansas

Three different ways to have a B+ program. Arkansas's way is the most entertaining.

14. LSU

The weird part of the early obfuscation around Tyrann Mathieu's removal from the Tigers was the claim that LSU had a "team rule."

15. Kansas State

The raised expectations after last season aren't so scary when you realize last season's real standard was "can't beat good teams."

16. Northern Illinois

Decent till proven otherwise.

17. West Virginia

Did win their bowl game.

18. Clemson

Didn't win their bowl game.

19. Southern Miss

Coming off a totally satisfactory season.

20. Oklahoma

Remember when everyone took Oklahoma seriously last year?

21. Texas

Won the preseason coin toss with Tennesse to be that orange-and-white team that vaguely gets national attention.

22. Florida

Maybe Auburn? One of those two.

23. South Florida

No creampuffs like Notre Dame on this year's schedule.

24. Florida State

Congratulations to Bobby Bowden on recapturing the FBS all-time wins mark.

119. Penn State

Paterno Truthers refuse to allow the Nittany Lions to move on to the overcoming-adversity stage of the story.

120. Notre Dame

What do you mean, the program needs more criminals? Rudy's stock-fraud bust wasn't enough for you?