Did Donald Trump Sleep Last Night?

Donald Trump had a busy day yesterday. With a rally in New Hampshire and two (2) television interviews, it’d be enough to knock anyone out—let alone a 70-year-old man in questionable physical condition. Donald Trump, however, is not anyone. And god knows the last time Donald Trump slept at all.

Because last night, instead of resting up for another big day and like so many nights before, Donald Trump got mad online.

There are several issues here. First of all, regarding the use of “sources,” CNN’s Brian Stelter quickly cleared things up:

Second, Alicia Machado’s past is irrelevant. Clinton didn’t bring up the former Miss Universe winner up to discuss her merits as an individual; she brought her up to illustrate the way Trump views women—which is to say, as objects that are easily disposed of once they no longer please you. Also, who the hell taught Trump to say “paragon of virtue?”

Now, regarding that sex tape: it doesn’t exist. According to Snopes, the closest thing Machado ever got to a sex tape was some blurry, night-vision footage caught while she was fooling around with someone on a Spanish-language reality show—footage that “hardly qualifies as explicit.” We’re sure Donald Trump is mortified by the error.

Even more to the point, though, those six tweets were sent at 10:16 p.m., 3:20 a.m., 5:14 a.m., 5:19 a.m., 5:30 a.m., and 8:50 a.m., respectively (all times Eastern). That means that Donald Trump, if he did sleep, slept at some point between the hours of 10 and 3. Judging from past tweets, we know that Trump rarely goes to bed before midnight. So let’s be generous and say Trump went to sleep at 12:30 a.m. and woke up at three. That’s two and a half hours of sleep, which was apparently more than enough to get him worked into a Twitter rage in the wee hours of the morning.

Of course, another reason one might send out manic tweets on little to no sleep would be an addiction to speed-like diet pills. We’ve reached out to Donald Trump’s campaign for comment on his seemingly sleepless night, and will update if and when they respond.

In the meantime, let us pray that Kellyanne Conway doesn’t revoke Trump’s phone privileges. We deserve that much.