Photo: Gregory Shamus (Getty)

Draymond Green, a living, breathing personification of a train horn—who can also effectively play all five positions on the basketball court—has come out with his first public statement since reports surfaced that he and Tristan Thompson got into a little bit of a scuffle at a party hosted by LeBron James.

Green referred to the reports as “inaccurate” in an Instagram story that had, like, 20 too many emojis throughout. He then dragged the shit out of Cleveland fans for trying to organize a parade to celebrate Thompson’s “face mush.”

Screenshot: Draymond Green (Instagram)
Screenshot: Draymond Green (Instagram)

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Screenshot: Draymond Green (Instagram)

He blamed his mom toward the end there! That’s one of the oldest troll moves in the book. “I don’t care, seriously. But my mom does that’s why.” Good stuff by the NBA’s preeminent lout.