Report: Former NBA Try-Hard Chris Dudley Once Allegedly Smashed A Pint Glass On Someone's Head While Defending Brett Kavanaugh

Hopeless free-throw shooter and failed gubernatorial candidate Chris Dudley was pals and drinking buddies with Brett Kavanaugh when the two attended Yale together from 1983 to 1987. Where young Brett tried and failed to make the men’s basketball team, Dudley was the team’s star center and went on to a measure of fame as a man capable of committing five fouls in an NBA basketball game.

As the future of American government increasingly depends upon the parsing of the nature of Kavanaugh’s life-long relationship with beer, the New York Times Monday detailing a brawl involving the rowdy pals at a Yale-area bar in 1985. According to the recollection of another of Kavanaugh’s drinking buddies, Chad Ludington, and details from a police report obtained by the Times, Kavanaugh’s group instigated a fight with a man named Dom Cozzolino while having beers following a UB40 concert. The origin of the conflict is as dumb as anything you can imagine: Cozzolino reacted to the group staring at him while trying to figure out if he was, in fact, UB40's lead singer. That is allegedly when young Kavanaugh’s beer temper reared its ugly head:

It was then, [Ludington] said, that Mr. Kavanaugh “threw his beer at the guy.”

The police report describes it as “throwing ice on [Cozzolino] ‘for some unknown reason,’” which raises the terrifying possibility that Kavanaugh was drinking beer with ice in it. But whatever was thrown or poured by a beer-brave Kavanaugh, it immediately started a full-on fight, with Dudley allegedly playing the enforcer role he’d later ride to more than a decade of NBA paychecks:

“The guy swung at Brett,” Mr. Ludington continued. At that point, Mr. Dudley “took his beer and smashed it into the head of the guy, who by now had Brett in an embrace. I then tried to pull Chris back, and a bunch of other guys tried to pull the other guy back. I don’t know what Brett was doing in the melee, but there was blood, there was glass, there was beer and there was some shouting, and the police showed up.”

The police report says Dudley denied smashing a pint glass on anyone’s head. Kavanaugh, ever the forthright and honorable fellow, reportedly declined “to say if he threw the ice or not.”