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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

ESPN Deploys LeBron Sad Trombone/Victory Reporting Team Just In Case Chris Broussard Is Completely Wrong

Illustration for article titled ESPN Deploys LeBron Sad Trombone/Victory Reporting Team Just In Case Chris Broussard Is Completely Wrong

Many sources scampering around Bristol have relayed that, for all that careful hedging. ESPN's own Chris Broussard claims he's "99% positive" LeBron will sign with the Miami WadeBosh. And if he's wrong? Well, ESPN has boots on the ground.

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Here's the list of reporters sent out to convey the mood in various cities around the country, according to ESPN:

NY Knicks: Rachel Nichols: has been tasked with standing outside MSG to snag joyful Amar'e or a mirthful Jim Dolan strumming a Springsteen tune outside Mustang Sally's (should Chris Broussard's report be wrong).

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NJ Nets: David Amber: will confront Jay-Z in his limo outside of East Rutherford, N.J., to talk positively about the LeBron-Lopez-Drago era (should Chris Broussard's report be wrong).

Cleveland: Shelley Smith: has been ordered to hunt down all those Clevelanders who have stopped masturbating and crying for one night to celebrate (should Chris Broussard's report be wrong).

Chicago: George Smith: is in the city of big shoulders, big dreams, ready to ask why Carlos Boozer's courtship techniques were so effective (should Chris Broussard's report be wrong).

Miami: Bob Holtzman: will just be chilling in one of the 26 cabanas, ready to bust out the ya-yo (whether or not Chris Broussard's report is wrong).

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BUT. If Chris Broussard's report is correct — which, according to sources who know sources who ride white horses, it is — here's the big question: Will ESPN have to give partial credit to Stephen A. Smith?

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