Ethan Albright Is In Fact Able To Walk Upright

As Madden 07 obsessives know, Washington Redskins lineman and ginger kid Ethan Albright is the lowest-rated player in the game, with a rating that barely gives him enough aptitude to stand up and walk in something resembling a straight line. We have wondered if Albright knows about this, or cares, and even though we don't have an answer to that, The Phat Phree has a hilarious imaginary letter from Albright to John Madden himself.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever... except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Michaels or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

It's really a pretty amazing read.

Ethan Albright Strikes Back [The Phat Phree]

(UPDATE: We had forgotten about this, but apparently Albright, the real one, has addressed his low rating.)