When Billy Hoyle told Sidney Deane he’s hustled players a helluva lot better than him, I was skeptical. How many times can you show up to a pickup game and aww shucks your way into a wad of cash? Well after six rounds and thousands of votes, it seems the scheme is still humming along.
Not only did Billy beat Deane handily in the final showdown, he also topped Jim Halpert, Bugs Bunny, Shaq’s Neon Boudeaux, Ray Allen’s Jesus Shuttelsworth, and an older version of himself (Monix from Semi-Pro). Black, white, animated, doppelgänger, and animal — Billy Ho doesn’t discriminate when it comes to a mark. Incidentally, a mark is how a fellow Deadspin writer described all of you who opted for Woody Harrelson over “a scroll” of players more worthy of the title “Best Fictional Hooper.”
However, our opinions don’t matter because you readers and tweeters controlled the outcome of the polls. Billy is the people’s champ, and I’m sure this trophy will make him warm and fuzzy every time he looks at it — or at least until he loses it in a game of HORSE or hocks it to pay off another set of mob stereotypes.
If you’re wondering how we got here, you can check out all of the previous rounds at Deadspin. If you’re solely looking for the list of hoopers Billy personally prevented from going to Sizzler, you can relive his run through the tournament below. Feel free to play One Shining Moment (or the soundtrack to White Men Can’t Jump) in the background if you like.
Thanks again for all your votes and engagement. This really wouldn’t have worked if not for all of you who took the time to vote for your favorite characters while aimlessly checking Twitter. Again, thank you!